


Being Yourself Sucks (trust me)

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, Halsey, MSI, Melanie Martinez - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, panic!at the disco - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Athlete Frank, Blowjobs, Bottom Gerard, Bullying, Cutting, Daddy Kink, Frank is an asshole but only for a while, Frank is on the Football team, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, Multi, Rimming, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shy Gerard, Top Frank, kitten play, smut later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9405206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Frank Iero left his old town, he was beyond ecstatic. Most kids would be sad or leave their friends and their school, but Frank Iero knew what he could do. New slate, he could join sports, be popular, not be bullied. It was amazing. Now everyone treated him well, he had friends, and everything was great. Now what happens when he's sitting in advanced English and he begins to notice Gerard Way, the most bullied kid in the entire school. On top of that, Gerard was causing him to doubt everything he knew about individuality and highschool. God, being youself sucks.





	1. Chapter 1

Moving to a new town sucks for most people, but for me it was the best day of my life. I mean, sure I knew I was gonna miss my friends, but I knew that I could completely reinvent myself. Sure everyone around me strongly encouraged me to be myself, but everyone knows that's bull crap. I decided to spend more time on sports, which is the surest way to get liked by everyone. I mean, sure it's sounds kind of crude to say, but it's completely true. Every school took pride in their athletes, it was this kind of primal instinct to make sure that you prove to everyone that you're in prime physical shape, MAKING ALL OTHERS LACKLUSTER IN COMPARISON. As annoying as the obsession was, I knew it was how it worked so I made sure I was in line with what was expected of a "normal" teenager.  
As much as sports kind of sucked, the results of hanging with that crowd was amazing. Everyone treated you well, everyone knew your name, and there were privileges like grades that all the teachers gave you sly smiles about. Life was good this way. I had a ( *cough* fake) girlfriend, that was amazing. Everything is perfect. 

*************************************************************************************************************

As I kiss Jamia goodbye, I can't help but feel guilty. I'm helping her hide her sexuality from the ever homophobic administration and students. Once again, that whole 'be yourself' thing is bullcrap. The people in these school would probably drive her out of town if they found out she was lesbian. We started as a fake relationship to create hype in the school, but we gradually became close. She's the only one who knows what I'm really like, and the same vice versa. Though all of that is fine and dandy, and we're great friends, but only grand total of 3 people know that our relationship was fake. I 'd be a fucking liar if I said didn't see the way Lindsey looked at her.  
Lindsey Ann Ballato was probably the most hardcore, don't take shit from anyone, bitch I've ever met. That was probably the only reason she hasn't been bulldozed yet. One of the guys on the team attempted to upskirt her and said something to the effect of: "Do you like pussy Ballato, or is it just your daddy issues?" She then proceeded to beat him so hard not even the administration was willing to deal with her rage. I liked Lindsey. We were friends outside of school and she seemed really cool, but I'll steer away from the blast zone. As for how he looked at Jamia, everything about her seemed to melt, and all of a sudden she looked like a little girl with a crush. Jamia openly spends time with her as a huge middle finger to the guys in the team, but she had domain over them in teachers' opinions and grades so they couldn't do anything.  
So here I am, walking to my college level English class, feeling like crap after seeing Lindsey look at Jamia like she was everything she ever wanted. I've never been one to get very emotional over things, but Jamia changes that. I want her to be happy so badly, but I don't know what the cost of that happiness will be, or if I could even protect her from it, so I keep quiet. Upon arrival at the class, I find it vacant of the teacher, causing me to pull out my phone and my ear buds. The only seat is in the back of the class, next to a girl in a black hoodie and a striped scarf. I take a seat next to the girl, haphazardly tossing my notebooks on my desk. She jumps a bit and I have to hold back a snicker. I sit down and put on my earbuds. I look over at her paper and am greeted with an amazing drawing of a zombie crossed with a werewolf. I look up at her face to complement her, but am immediately shocked at the fact that this was no girl, this was a fucking male. As in has a dick (well probably, you never know). But no, this wasn't any kid. This was Gerard Way. The guys on the team gave him HELL. If you think what they did to Lindsey was bad, you'd faint at the things they said to this kid.  
Okay, to be completely honest, I'd never actually seen him outside of the yearbook, but whenever I heard: " Hey Way", I turned around and walked the other way. It didn't matter if I missed class, I didn't want to get involved. Now I'm not playing completely innocent, I have said the occasional douchey thing to Ryan or Patrick, but the guys take it to a new level. I've seen the kid break down in tears, and then it just gets worse.  
Suddenly, he makes eye contact with me, and fuck he noticed I was staring. His eye trail onto my navy blue letterman jacket. His eyes then fly back up, and he turns away quickly, presumably terrified of me. I look around the class room and find no one of importance, so I whisper, "That drawing is really cool". He looks at me with an absolutely shocked face before stuttering out a quick 'thank you'. A small smile dawns his face and I find myself smiling as I turn back to my phone. I open Jamia's contact, and quickly type:

I'm sitting next to Way in English

Not even 30 seconds later her response pops up. 

Hes a sweetheart be nice

I roll my eyes at her apparent lack of faith in me. I quickly text her back. 

I havent done anything! And since when r u friends with Way?

I look over at Gerard, who is currently drawing an elaborate vampire that looks suspiciously like David Bowie. My phone dings and his eyes meet mine, causing me to turn away and look at my phone. 

He buys all his Fangoria magazines from my Dad's bookstore, sometimes we have coffee and talk about novels that we've both read. He likes contemporary novels.

I look over at him again and frown. He looks kind of soft, but not contemporary novel soft. Then again, he was friends with Ryan so Rainbow Rowell novels are probably talked about in his day to day life. Mrs.Martinez comes in with her hair up and a smile on her face and begins class. My attention began to drift to Gerard's paper. He was still working on that vampire, so I pulled out a notebook and began an attempt on copying the drawing. I did my strokes at the same time and in the same place, but in no way did they come out the same. His was amazing; emotion, violence, and gore shining through the paper. Mine however, looked like that character had a seizure. I grunted and he looked over. A small giggle resonated through the classroom and when I looked over at him he was smiling with a hand over his mouth. I found myself smiling back against my will. He reaches over and draws a little flower on his head. Despite my better judgement I write on his paper, "What's your name?" I know his name, but it was mostly a ploy to hear him talk. 

"Gerard",he whispers, smile growing wider and wider.  
"Frank", I respond. Once again, all my better judgement leaving me. This was basically a death sentence, but something about him caused me to speak without thinking. He hesitates before asking, "Do you like the Misfits?" I smile and pick up my phone, showing him the recently played list. His smile widens and hope sparks in his eyes. Wow that was cute. Then I catch myself. Of all things I can think of Gerard Way, cute should not be in the premises. I'm asexual, no doubt about it. Gerard Way can't come in and make me doubt my sexuality, or ruin my reputation. He continues on drawing as I face Mrs.Martinez, trying to ignore the twinge of uncertainty that comes into my mind when I think about Gerard. 

The ring of the bell pierces through the silence and all of us begin to gather our things. As I walk out of the class room a, "Hey Way", is shouted by Gabe. I hear a scared whimper that was no doubt emitted from Gerard's throat. Despite the guilt blossoming in my chest I continue on towards the exit that Jamia and I agreed on to ditch for the rest of the day. The hollow rattle of the lockers sound along with a sob. I decide that I'm far away enough to not be pulled into the situation, and turn around, leaning against the wall. A thin crowd covers them, but it's mostly short freshmen(shorter than me that is), so it doesn't mean much. I can see Gerard pinned against the wall, tears streaming down his face as Gabe yells at him. Gave rips his sketchbook from his arms and begins to tear up the drawings, even the Bowie-esk vampire that he had just drawn. I can't make out most of the words, but I hear the slurs of 'fag', 'emo', and 'tranny'. Even from far away the look on Gerard's face causes me to wince. He looks terrified and scared and I know the feel of being treated badly, but nowhere near this badly. His knees shake so much, I'm afraid he may fall. Gabe gives him a final shove, paired with a cruel smile. He walks away and Gerard falls to the ground. The freshmen disappear, leaving Gerard sniffling on the floor. I quickly walk out of the hallway into the cool fall air. Jamia stands there in a white hoodie and skinny jeans, finished off with black converse. Respectable. 

"Ready to go?", she asks, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  
"Absolutely", I breathe out, barely containing all the things that occurred in the simple high school life of Frank Iero on this here November afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

The walk to Jamia's dad's store is filled with Jamia's chatter. She goes on and on about all the things that had happened to her that day. This is how it usually is. Jamia talked, I listened. Then, when we were in a solidarity place, I opened up. We talked about very trivial things the majority of the time, but it was a good break from the bustling high school students around us. Neither one of the us liked conflict or drama, but the difference was that I would allow myself to be stomped over to avoid it. It was hard for me to bite my tounge, being that I'm very opinionated, but Jamia is even more opinionated and stated both of or opinions fearlessly. Because of her status and amount of time in the school, she knew that she could say whatever she wanted and still be adored. Well, except for sexuality but we went over that already. The walk is short, but the temperature was steadily growing colder, making me uncomfortable and ready to step into the warmth of the small book store.   
We entered the warm, comforting book store, and I found myself sighing from the heated surroundings. I shrugged off my jacket, relaxing instantly. Jamia smiled but brightly at her father who was sitting and reading a Stephen King novel. "Hey Dad", she says. He looks up and smiles at us both. "Hey guys, how was school", he asks casually, completely oblivious to the fact that we're ditching for the rest of the day. "Good", I answer, and Jamia nods in agreement. We go up the stairs to Jamia's room. We walk into her room and I fall onto the bed, kicking off my shoes and letting them fly across the room and hit the wall.

"You could've left them in my closet", she says to me, rolling her eyes. "Too much work", I say grinning at her. She grunts and throws herself down next to me. She grabs the remote and turns on the TV, playing some crappy reality TV show. We watch the girls on screen bicker for a moment before she turns on her stomach. 

"So what happened with Gerard in English", she asks curiously, most likely sensing my discomfort with the subject and prodding at it. I sit up on the bed and say, "Not much". She senses my lies like she always does and says, "You're a terrible liar, now spill". I hold my hands up as a white flag. "I told him I liked his drawing and introduced myself, that's all", I say. She gives me a disbelieving look before saying, "Then why are you being so closed off about it?" I shift around awkwardly before mumbling under my breath. She pushes my shoulder gently and says, "C'mon Frankie, you know I won't judge". When I finally bring myself to look at her face, she has a look of sincerity and concern on her face. I break eye contact with her and say, "I think I like Gerard". The ear-splitting shriek she emits has to be inhuman because Frank has never once heard something so loud. She bounces excitedly and gushes, "This is huge, you've never liked anyone before". She then stops mid-celebration and inquires, "Are you attracted to him sexually?" I think for a moment. His soft pink lips, and messy hair, and curves come into mind and I nod. "If I'm not asexual, then what am I", I ask her softly. She thinks for a moment before saying, "Demisexual". Once I raise my eyebrows she goes into a further explanation. "Think of it as being Gerard-sexual", she offers. I nod, but I slowly begin to frown. "Fuck", I whisper. "It's not that big of a deal, Frank", she says, "they don't suspect anything now, so they won't suspect anything unless you start hanging out with him". I throw myself onto the bed dramatically. "But what if I want to talk to him", I whine. "Then talk to him outside of school", she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "How am I supposed to explain that", I say exasperated, "do you want me to walk up to him and say 'Hey Gerard, I want to be friends with you, but not in school because I don't want to be rejected by all my friends, which happen to be the same people who bully you daily". She smiles, "Just try". I stare at her challengingly and she stares back with just as much gusto. "Fine", I say, lifting myself off of the bed.   
I begin to walk down the stairs, and Jamia follows me. When we get downstairs, I make us both coffee and we sit down in the worn green couch. She grabs a copy of Prodigy by Marie Lu and opens it, sipping her coffee. I grab my phone and open the group chat that the guys added me into. Apparently they're currently sending around nudes of Brian's girlfriend because she cheated on him. I make a noise of disgust and Jamia looks over. "Wow", she simply says. I delete the pictures off of my phone. I pull myself up to Jamia's room, where my guitar currently resides due to the team constantly coming over. Because I'm with Jamia more than anyone else, I keep it there as to practice without getting caught. I carry the acoustic over to the couch and strum mindlessly. The cords kind of fall in place and I find myself creating a pattern. 

A soft bell dings alerting us that someone has arrived, but neither of us looked up. Now one from our school comes here besides-"Hello, Gerard", I hear Jamia's father say, snapping me out of my thoughts. I whip my head around and scamble off the couch, peering around the book shelf and sure enough there Gerard is, looking exactly like her did in English, but with puffy red eyes instead. He gives a weak smile and starts to head towards the books. I tap Jamia, but it's more of a 'please help I'm gonna die' type of tap. She turns towards me and I whisper, "He's here". Her reaction is completely opposite to mine, as she begins to smile. She stands up and walks around the shelves, presumably to the magazine section, which I recall, is where he goes. My stomach drops, and I gather the guitar into my arms and bolt upstairs. 

"How was your day", Jamia asks Gerard suddenly. He jumps a bit before turning around. I've begun to notice that he frightens easily, especially when it comes to people. He gives her a weak smile. 

"Not the best", he responds, looking down at the new issue of Fangoria in his hands. She gives him a sympathetic smile. "Did anything new happen", she asks hopefully. I wish she would look over at the stairs right now so she could see the glare I was giving her. She new exactly what happened and yet she is going and asking him to see his opinion on me, or if a friendship between us is even a possibility. "Yeah actually", he says, cheeks dusting a soft pink, "There's this guy in my English class that's really sweet". For a split second my heart soars, but two seconds later it's pulled down into the lion's den of reality. If he starts liking me, who's to say he won't tell Ryan, his BEST FRIEND. And for damn sure whenever you tell Ryan something, you have to know you're telling Brendon too. And whenever Brendon finds out something, the entire school and administration knows within 20 minutes. Now the whole school finding out isn't that bad, but the football team is included in that. As soon as they find out they'll tell me (of course), and then I'll have to pretend that I'm disgusted. Then when he finds out that I'm "disgusted" by the fact that he likes me he'll be crushed and I'll regret my entire existence.   
I'm snapped out of my mental breakdown by Jamia, ooing and Gerard looking like he wants to disappear into his scarf. "Who is it", she asks excitedly, grabbing his hands, the Fangoria magazine falling to the floor, forgotten. His pink lips take on a soft smile and he says, "Just between you and me right, you know I feel about these kinds of things". I find myself simultaneously excited and apprehensive for his answer. 

"His name's Frank", he says quietly and Jamia squeals excitedly. "He's my boyfriend", she says with an energetic smile on her face. My jaw literally drops, she did NOT just say that. Gerard looks just as startled as I feel. "Oh", he stutters out, "I'm s-so sorry I don't even really know him, but-". Jamia interrupts him with a finger on his lips. "Fake boyfriend, silly", she says, and I can physically see the million pounds being lifted off of Gerard's shoulders. Still too shocked to answer, he nods. Suddenly her eyes meet mine and I notice the devious glint in them. She turns to Gerard and says, "I don't have any homework today, want to come upstairs to hang out for a while". Gerard nods, and accepts graciously. I turn and run to Jamia's room, I throw myself onto the bed in what I hope is a quiet manner and make an attempt to look like I was just strumming in the guitar.   
Jamia walks in nonchalantly, paying me no attention, but I can see Gerard's trust for Jamia leave him as soon as he sees me. "Hey, Gerard", I say smiling. Wow, dick move Frank, see his obvious discomfort and make him feel like he's overreacting. He silently stares at me for a few moments before he breaks out into a small smile. "Hi, Frank", he says, sitting down on the bed a safe distance away from me. Jamia throws herself onto the bed and turns the TV back on, same reality TV show playing. And there we are, three people sitting on a bed, on pretending to play guitar, the other scrolling DevinantArt, and the third yelling at the decisions made by people on TV. I'm the first to break the silence. "Hey Gee" , I say, nickname spawning on its own," you know that vampire drawing you doing earlier?" He nods cautiously, seemingly afraid of what I may say next, like I'll make fun of it or something. "Well I saw how good it was, and I was wondering if you could do a cool drawing like that for me", I say. His eyes light up and he nods, pulling out the sketchbook which has visibly less pages. He opens a page and begins to draw and I begin to strum again. The pattern that I was playing before sticks in my head and I grab a piece of lined paper to write the chords and notes. Soon the words begin to float into my head and I write them down. Jamia looks over and pouts when I hide the paper from her line of sight.   
"I'd kill for coffee right now" Gerard says. I pass him my half finished mug, and the amount of thanks on his face is ridiculous. He drinks it like the ambrosia of the gods, wrapping both hands around it and savoring the warmth. I look over his shoulder at the drawing and am immediately impressed. It's of a person in a body bag hanging upside down, held by a chain.   
"That's so cool", I say and he smiles brightly, "I have to put that in my binder". His smile suddenly fades and he says, "What if someone sees it?" I smile and wink at him before saying, "Then I guess we'll have to keep it between us". His face erupts in pink and I giggle at the shocked look. He then turns back to shading and I find the idea of being 'secret friends' with him isn't ALL that bad.   
When 5 rolls around I decide I have to go home. Gerard hands me the drawing and mumbles, "Bye". Jamia doesn't even bother to say bye, but I catch her eye on the way out and she sends me a sly smile and mouths 'look at the back'. I smile back and walk out of the store, waving a goodbye to Jamia's dad. I can't help the skip in my step as I walk to my house. I arrive and grab my key from my book bag and slip inside the house. I walk upstairs and throw myself onto my bed. I turn on the TV and find that the Rocky Horror Picture Show is playing. I allow it to continue playing. I grab my binder and add the song to it, but remember Gerard's drawing and grab it. I turn it around and find a number plastered hastily with the note 'Maybe we could go on a walk tomorrow?' I smile brightly and add it to my binder. I then place the binder to the side and watch the movie, allowing myself to fall into a slightly troubled sleep, filled with conflicting dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

When I wake up, it's the culprit of the bright sunlight shining through my unclosed curtains. For a moment I panic, but relax when I realize that it's Saturday. I sink back into the sheets and stare up at the ceiling, allowing my mind to focus on nothing in particular before it lands on Gerard, which I find it doing a lot of lately. I grab the drawing and my phone to enter his phone number. I make a contact for Gerard, and remind myself to never allow anyone to go through my phone. I am a teenage boy, so it's not really like anyone has ever gone through it. We all know that our parents look through our phones that night, but my mom is my biggest supporter and I tell her most things, so that doesn't bother me. Whatever she sees, I probably already told her about that evening at dinner. I then notice the text notification from my mom. 

I'll be home late and leaving early, so be sure to eat and have a nice day. Be home by 7, I love you. 

I smile fondly and switch back to texting Gerard. Something as trivial as texting shouldn't be so nerve-wracking, but I'm really worried about how this will go. 

Im totally down to go to the park ;) see u at 12:00, type. I delete the text, it sounds too commanding and suggestive. I feel like I'm dragging him to the park. 

Cool, I type, deleting it even faster then the last one. God why do I suck so bad? 

Id like to go to the park with u, what time is best for u?, I type and send after going over it about 20 times. I stare at the screen for a solid 5 minutes before three dots appear. My stomach clenches and I watch the screen, breathing heavily, which is probably not normal for waiting for a text. After 7 agonizing minutes of waiting the text pops up. 

I was hoping we could drive into Manhattan and go to Central Park, they have a zoo there so  
I was thinking that could be fun. I was thinking 12:30. 

Central Park? That's a car ride. Does he want me to pick him up? I stare at the text, trying to decode it like it'll tell me all the answers to life. 

Do u want me to pick u up, I text, partially scared that he'll jump out of the screen and laugh at my face. I know it's far more likely that he's having a mental breakdown on the other side of the screen judging by the amount of time between his texts. Another ten minutes passes by and the text finally appears. 

That'd be great, I'll text you my address. 

Seconds later the text with the directions pops up along with the message, See you soon. I look at the time and almost choke on literally nothing. No spit, no air, just plain stupidity. The time is 12:00 and Gerard's house is about 15 minutes away. I throw my sheets off of my body and run to the shower. I turn it on, giving it a while to warm up as I grab clothes. It's a simple black misfits shirt with my letterman jacket, dark wash jeans and a scarf. I pause for the shoes for a minute, but then realize it's Gerard that I'm seeing and grab my Dr.Martens. They're my favorite shoes that I hardly ever use. I leave the outfit neatly laid out on the chaotically unmade bed and run back into the bathroom. I strip my clothes and jump in the shower. The water is freezing and I yelp, jumping and almost falling over. The cold causes me to tense up even more but I decide that there's no time to run downstairs and switch the heat on, so I take a freezing shower.   
I soon switch the shower off, barely taking the time to dry myself off before pulling on my clothes. I pull on my Dr.Martens one at a time, almost falling over several times. I grab my phone off of my nightstand and rush down the stairs, grabbing my keys off the hook next to our door. As soon as I run out, I'm greeted by cool, late autumn air. I unlock the car and sit inside, worn leather seats a bit comforting in the haze of the rush. I put the key in the ignition (authors note:I have no idea how the fuck cars work, lol) and back out of the driveway haphazardly. As I'm driving down the street I check the time. 12:23, fuuuucckk. I speed up, and luckily there's very few cars on the road, so I'm able to drive quickly.

I pull up in front of Gerard's house at 12:41, and he was waiting next to the front door, waiting for me. He walks up to my car with a shy smile on his face, but I beat him to the passenger door, and open it for him. He thanks me quietly and steps inside. I now notice the hoodie he's wearing is Iron Maiden. I have one just like it. He's wearing grey fingerless gloves, as well as the scarf from yesterday. He pairs this with skinny jeans and a pair of dirty white converse. Just now I begin to notice his body. To be honest, I had just skimmed over it quickly before, and I had noticed the curves. Then I was mostly focusing on his face, but now I looked over it all. I'm guessing his stomach is a bit chubby, so I guess he wore the hoodie to cover it up. His hands are pretty slim for a guys, and I just now notice that his (incredibly short) nails are painted black. I don't know why this makes me smile, but it does. 

"What is it", Gerard mumbles, eyebrows furrowed. I see the anxiety in his eyes, like he's afraid any moment I'll begin to call him names and harass him. "I just like your hoodie", I lie. He doesn't need to know that I was looking at his hands. He then looks down and smiles. "Thank you", he replies, and for probably the first time it's not a whisper or a mumble. I turn on the radio and Bowie comes on so Gerard is distracted in enjoying the song and looking out the window. I take the opportunity of the red light and Gerard not looking at me to stare him down once again. I've begun to notice that he's not lean, or skinny in the slightest way. Everywhere you look he's soft, curves instead of edges. I like this, especially in his face, it causes him to look young and innocent, which I'm apparently into. His hips are relatively wide, giving him even more of a feminine look. His thighs are chubby as well, finishing him off as a very soft, innocent looking high school student. Hell, he looked like he belonged in seventh grade. As I stare at his thighs my mind trails off into more sexual things. I've never been interested in someone romantically, period, completely leave out being into either gender sexually. I hardly ever even felt the need to get off, but that seems to change as I imagine Gerard's thighs wrapped tightly around me, holding me close as a moan plays on those soft pink lips- 

"Frank, it's a green light", Gerard says, sounding slightly concerned. I snap out of my reverie and continue driving. I shift uncomfortably, an erection appearing in an unfortunate situation being something I'm not used to. We continue driving in silence until Gerard begins to sing. His voice is really nice, and sort of rock-oriented. I listen to him sing as the open windows cause the wind to blow into the car. I begin to sing along as well and before I know it we're singing together on our way to Central Park, to something that would be considered a date to most people. Several times I look over at him, his eyes closed and smiling. He grows louder and louder as he grows more confident. Eventually his volume increases to the max and I opt for watching him instead. I've never met someone as passionate as I was for music. I could tell from the way his body moved and he smiled that he was completely enveloped in the song. His lips move and his torso moves from side to side, completely growing comfortable and probably not even realizing I'm there. I watch him, slightly prideful that he's not being so reserved, but I know that it has nothing to do with me. It's between him and the music. As the song ends, he comes down from his high, unabashed smile on his face. When he finds me staring at him with a smile on my face, he stays smiling, but sinks into a blush as well. He looks down at his hands and says, "Sorry". I smile at the road, probably looking like an idiot to anyone who drives by. The buildings have begun to surround us and I know we're getting closer to our destination. "No need to be sorry, it was cute", I say. Wow that's gay. Or demisexual. Oh fuck this. He giggles, which is probably the most endearing sound I've ever heard. Surprisingly, there's very little people here, so I have no problem finding a parking space.

Once we get down, Gerard takes a deep breath and simply says, "I need coffee". I laugh and say, "Luckily there's a Starbucks on every block". He laughs, "I know people will hate me for saying it, but I love Starbucks". I laugh and say, "Naw man, you can't". He giggles again. "It's just so damn good", he says. We walk into the Starbucks, immediately receiving looks from not only the customers, but the baristas as well. I guess they're not used to one jock, and one emo looking kid walking in and making fun of their establishment. 

Gerard gives me a nervous look before saying, "Can you order for me?" I don't even question it because I've figured out by now that people make him extremely anxious. "How do you want your coffee", I ask, sitting him down next to the door. "Black", he says, "like my soul, but add two sugars". "Dork", I say, smirk finding its way onto my face. He laughs, gives me a playful push. I stick my tongue out at him, as I find my way to the line. As I stand there I pull out my phone. I find a text from Jamia there. 

Are u with Gerard right now, it reads. Yes now leave me alone, I text back. I then turn to face Gerard, who looks extremely absorbed in something on his phone. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed and his tongue is peeking out of lips just a bit. He's in complete and total concentration mode. I take a picture of him and save it to my camera roll. I then look forward, and order both of our coffees. 

************************************************************************************************************

We walk out of the Starbucks with warm coffees in either of our hands. He sips it gratefully, just like yesterday. I laugh and he gives me a curious look. 

"What is it", he says with a smile playing at his lips. I can feel him relaxing into being with me. Before he would ask me as if I'd slap him across the face if heard the question. "You drink that coffee like it's your lifeline", I say. He smiles and takes another sip. As if in cue we walk into the park and the leaves fall. A few remain in Gerard's hair and he picks them off, throwing them at me as I laugh. 

"That's what you get for having such long hair", I laugh. He grins and grabs a handful of leaves from the ground and throws them at me. I laugh as we continue walking through a continuous cascade of red and orange leaves. We go silent, but it's a comfortable kind. I haven't felt so comfortable in my own skin around another person in a long time. I mean, I know I can tell Jamia anything and she'd have to accept it because of all the dirt I have on her, but Gerard made me feel like I could say anything. Without me even having to tell him he would keep it between us forever. I observe our surroundings as I drink my coffee.   
Upon finishing my coffee I find my hands growing cold, like borderline frostbite cold. I look over at Gerard enviously. His hands are warm due to the fact that he decided to wear gloves. December is right around the corner, so each day grows colder. It's times like these that I wished I lived in a more tropical part of the country. Like Florida. I bet the assholes that live there are warm and toasty this time of year. I regret not bringing a jacket that had pockets. I shove my hands in my jean pockets, hands still freezing, and the pockets not making a bit of a difference. I eye Gerard's pockets for a moment before ambushing him from behind and shoving my hands into the immediate warmth. I sigh as Gerard stutters out, "W-What are you doing?" I put my head on his shoulder ( which, mind you, is slightly uncomfortable because he's a good 3 inches taller than me) and smile. "My hands were getting cold, Gee", I say, proud of how flustered I'm making him. "You don't want my hands to freeze, do you?" This time he can't even answer, he just nods. We continue walking through the park, slowly getting to the zoo. 

Upon arrival at the zoo, Gerard almost completely forgets about the fact that I'm basically wrapped around him. He excitedly goes in, pulling me along regardless of how I feel. We arrive in front of the polar bear exhibit and he gushes random facts about polar bears. I laugh and smile at the occasional comment he makes. For the rest of the day we run around the Central Park zoo, Gerard being adorable and excited over all the animals. I mean, sure I do look up at the animals, and they're cool and all, but I can only really focus on Gerard. Part of me knows that this is going to go wrong at some point. That I'll mess up and tell him I like him, or have the guys find out I've been hanging out with him, but for right now, I'll take in the time I have to watch him gush over the amazing things in life. I'll give him that time away from the guys, I'll give him anything he wants if he promises not to go away anytime soon. 

*************************************************************************************************************

I drop him off at his house, him thanking me for the day. I smile the whole way home, giddy, and all my worries sinking to the bottom of my mind. 

When I get home I find my mom already there. This makes me smile even more. I haven't been getting a lot of her lately due to work and I want to tell her about Gerard. Ever since I was little she always encouraged me to do what makes me happy. I loved that. 

As I finally got off the car and entered the house, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're finally home", she jokingly whispers as she orders take out. . I laugh and sit down at the dinner table, waiting for her to finish and get off the phone. When she does I tell her everything. It's a chatter filled night that includes Chinese food, chocolate, and lots of laughter. 

When we finally do go to bed, I find myself comfortable and happy. Life is good, but the troubles still nag in the back of my skull. I fall asleep into dreams of Gerard meeting my mom and sappy things like that. It's a good night of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm awkward, hope you're enjoying the story. I love you all.


	4. Chapter 4

On Wednesday, school is just the same as it normally is. Teachers playing favorites, said favorites taking complete advantage of this, and me in the midst of all of it. Part of me is yearning for Gerard and his ranting on comic books, but the other is excited for the football game. Not because I want to win or I'm invested in the sport, no it's purely the fact that I'll get to see Gerard again. I mean sure I won't be exactly be able to talk to him, but now I find that just his presence makes everything better. I eat lunch with the guys and Jamia, almost having palpitations when Gerard makes eye contact with me and gives a little wave and a shy smile. I find myself staring at him as he talks to Ryan, his eyes lighting up occasionally signaling that Ryan brought up comic books or writing. I'm pulled out of my puppy like stare by Gabe slapping my shoulder and assuring me that I'll do amazing. I smile at halfheartedly at him and opt for staring at Gerard again. Now he's laughing at Brendon who's making a stupid face. I take a moment to observe the table and notice it's every student that the football team gives a hard time. It's Lindsey, Brendon, Ryan, Patrick, Joe, and Gerard. Suddenly, Brian's voice snaps me out of my people watching. 

"The fuck is up with you, Frank", he asks. I look at him, mind still on Gerard and croak a distant, "What". He rolls his eyes. "You've been totally distracted the whole day, what's going on", he asks, leaning back in his chair. The table remains silent, no one even daring to breathe. "Nothing is going on, man", I say. He seems unconvinced as he says, "Whatever, you better not be like this tonight". The table goes back to normal conversation after he says that and I decide to look down at my thumbs instead. I wanted to be next to Gerard right now. I wanted him to be laughing next to me, cheeks tinting red whenever I threw a flirtatious comment his way. I wanted to be right next to him all the time, and I swear it's not as stalker like as it sounds. He just makes me happy in a way I've never felt. It's like there's a magnetic pull constantly trying to attach us at the hip. That may or may not be why I asked him if he was willing to share his private art session during the day so I could learn to draw and paint as well. I SWEAR IM NOT A STALKER. He happily said that he would be more than glad to and that I should know there's no teacher present, that it's mostly a period they gave him alone because his mom came hooping and hollering about how they weren't properly handling his anxiety. The fact that there was no one but us two made me extremely excited. Now as I'm talking I feel more and more like a stalker, thanks a lot assholes. 

Now the bell was ringing and I was rushing from the lunchroom with a quick goodbye to Jamia. I run down the hallway, weaving through the crowds of people. I slip inside the art room and find Gerard already there.

"Hi", he says with a candied smile. I set my bag down next to his and sit down. I grab a paper and a pencil and begin to draw. I try copying what he's drawing and find myself failing miserably, as expected. About 5 minutes into the drawing I give up, and took the stuff to the side. Rather, I grab my song book. I get up and walk into the hallway that connects the art and music room. I grab a guitar and walk back into the art room. I sit down and Gerard looks up at me. He raises his eyebrows with a smirk. 

"Were you ever planning to actually make art", He asks sarcastically, very well knowing the answer. I shake my head, smirk appearing on my face as well. He hums softly, continuing his drawing with a smile. I open my notebook and start to play the song. I finished it yesterday, the title is courtesy of Jamia. She punched this drunk girl at a party and that's when I knew we were going to be best friends. The actual song, however, is purely about Gerard. I begin to play, but I find myself too afraid to sing the words. If someone heard me, they'd know that I wasn't happy with this place. That the only thing keeping me here is Jamia and Gerard. They understood, they didn't enjoy this. I have to pull through, seven months, then I'll be in college. In college, there's no time for popularity, everyone is too swamped with work. Maybe then Gerard and I could date, maybe even get a place together! I smile to myself. 

"I have a question", Gerard suddenly says, voice serious. The mood of the room completely changes. I look at him inquisitively before saying, "What is it?" He puts his pencil down and gives me a look that conveys a mix of sadness and anger. "Why do you hang out with those assholes on the football team", he asks, voice wavering just a bit. "What do you mean", I ask coyly, knowing, but avoiding the topic that I have been dreading. "Frank, you know full well what I mean, those assholes think they're the greatest because they can throw a fucking ball, why do you hang out with them", he says, looking me in the eye. "I-", I begin to say but he interrupts me. "You're so much better than them, you're smart, sweet, you have talent, why do you bother with the status", he says. I look down, and shrug, not knowing what to say. He lets out and exasperated sigh and continues to draw. The room is silent, and not the comfortable kind like on Saturday. "If they ever said anything I'd defend you", I say, looking up at him. He gives me an incredulous look before saying, "That's not what I mean, why do you bother kissing up to them". I'm about to defend myself before he says, "I've noticed, I notice a lot since I don't have my head up other people's ass like you do". I'm offended, but then I see he's close to tears, so I keep my mouth shut. I know that they hurt him, but why is he so passionate, everyone gets pushed around at one point or another in their life, why is he so upset? 

"I'm sorry", he says, voice cracking just a bit. When I look at him, there are tears falling from his eyes. I begin to panic, what did I do? "You shouldn't be", I say, rushing over to him and wiping a tear from his face. Part of me stops to think how the guys would react if they saw this, and then I realize that he's right. I'm so obsessed with what they think that I don't look at the bigger picture. He lets out a sob, and my heart clenches in the worst possible way. "The things they say", he begins, but I interrupt him. "None of it is true", I say, "you're amazing". He sniffles and says, "I'm not, why would any sane person cut themselves to distract from the pain. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I've never been smart enough, I've never truly been good at anything ". I look at him, confused, and quite frankly, scared. I've heard of cutting, and there's nothing romantic or good about it. It involved such a deep self deprecation, I didn't want Gerard anywhere near that. He unzips his jacket and dread sets into my chest. 

When his jacket is completely off, I see thin white scars criss-crossing his arms. Part of me wants to run away, throw up, anything but deal with what's in front of me. The other part, however, wants to gather him in my arms and whisper sweet nothings to him. I remain quiet for a moment before I grab him and hug him. I don't know what to say, so I stay silent, letting him cry into my shoulder. I want to make this moment disappear, for him to go back to rambling about Polar Bears instead. I just don't want him to cry. I unknowingly sink to the floor, holding him tight. 

"Why", I ask, pulling him off of me. His eyes well up and he says, "The physical pain helps distract from the words". "No", I say, my brain going on auto pilot, "I don't give a fuck, next time you feel like doing this to yourself you're going to fucking call me and talk to me, no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing I'll stop if it prevents you from doing this". He stares at me, shocked, and then begins to cry even more. He begins to nod, burying his face in my neck, and repeating 'thank you' over and over like a mantra. There's nothing romantic about this. Both of hearts are aching to the max. Part of me is kind of glad that he told me, but the other part of me wishes nothing had happened. He opened himself up completely, made himself completely vulnerable in front of me. It was my job to protect him now, to keep him close to me. Im afraid of that responsibility because I can feel that I'm going to mess it up. We want to reassure each other, say everything is going to be okay, but we stay silent. The bell rings and I stand up, offering my hand to him. He takes my hand, eyes puffy, but his tears have ceased. I hand him his jacket and he puts it on, room silent. I put everything back in its place, as does he. When he grabs his bag, and turns to say goodbye, I stop him. 

"You deserve a day off", I say, taking his hand in mine. I smile as gently as I can muster and he nods, still not smiling. I pull him out of the room and down the hall quickly, before class lets out, and pull him onto the field. I look left and right and pull him over to the fence. I grab his bag and throw it over. "The fuck", he says. I laugh and throw my bag over as well. "Follow me", I say, and climb over the fence. He looks at me through the fence and then clambers over with much less grace. When he gets over, his hair is in his face and he's panting like a dog. I push his hair out of his face, and he leans into the touch, possibly unknowingly, but it still makes my hand tingle with warmth and my heart skip a beat.

We walk hand in hand to the park. No, it's not a pretty, well groomed one like Central Park. This one is grimy, dead bodies are found in it every other week. We sit in the grass, and it takes a while, but we fall into normal conversation. We leave behind the terrifying experience of the scars, we leave behind the football team, we leave behind everything. His laughs are just as bright, and his words float into my ears the same way. I still feel weird though, like he's being more honest with me than I am with him. 

 

"Do you want to know why I hang out with the football team", I say. Gerard looks at me curiously, and right then I notice our fingers are still laced. Fuck me. "When I was in middle school, I was that stupid punk wannabe in the back of the classroom. I used to get harassed all the time. They made fun of my music, my family life, everything." I say. Gerard's listening intently as I say, "I was ecstatic to find out I was moving to Belleville, I saw it as a way to reinvent myself, to change how people treated me, so I did". He leans his head on my shoulder and says, "Being yourself sucks, trust me. As someone who's been doing it all his life it has terrible downsides. People make fun of you, make you feel lesser, cause you to completely hate yourself and everything you stand for, but being yourself is also really amazing. You meet people who will stick by you to the end, and who love you for you. Sometimes we need to focus on the good things about being yourself, and completely immerse ourselves in that rather than let ourselves be brought down by others". I listen openly, and it resonates with me, curling up in my brain, ready to be awoken another day. 

The rest of the afternoon is quiet, both of us being very touchy. I find myself constantly running my fingers over his wrists, and he lays on me. His words circle my head, and I look down at this guy, who just made me look like a fool when it came to individuality. I lower my head and kiss his wrist softly, and say dazedly, "I know I sound like a fool when I say this, but don't ever do this to yourself again. You're amazing, and sweet, and have so much to offer, I don't want you to be this way". He nods, and lays his head on my shoulder, softly nuzzling into my neck. Right now, it's obvious that we're more than friends, but it still remains doubtful in both of our minds whether we like each other. His lips are soft against my neck, and his warm breath is a nice contrast from the cold weather. Suddenly my phone goes off, and on the screen it says, 'Start getting ready for the Game'. I jump up and grab my bag. 

"I have to go, see you at the game", I say. He nods and smiles at me, and this time I don't see the innocence I saw before. I see my classmate, who is older than me, and been through a hell of a lot. I run from the park as fast as I can, arriving at my house in about 7 minutes. I get dressed in a rush, terrified of being late and ruining it for the team. Today the shower is warm, and I relax just a bit. I throw my uniform on and jump in my car, driving at a very illegal speed, but it doesn't really matter. 

*************************************************************************************************************

That night, I play the hardest I ever have. Why? I don't really know. To prove something? Possibly. For revenge? Maybe. All I know is that we won, and the people cheering the loudest from the bleachers were Gerard, Jamia, and my mother. I was proud of myself, and I knew they were proud of me too. I smile and head into the locker room, full of sweat, and just a bit of blood in my mouth. The smiles on each of their faces makes me think football isn't SO bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I didn't post for so long, this week was hella complicated. Love you all!


	5. Chapter 5

Christmas is right around the corner. Tomorrow actually. I'm supposed to be roasting chestnuts by and open fire, or praying or some shit, but I'm waiting next to the door, anxiously waiting for Gerard to arrive. Sorry, Jesus. ( authors note: I know, I know, religious jokes, no offense to my atheist, Muslim, Jewish, or any other religion or non religion readers) After a full week of begging my mother, she finally allowed me to invite Gerard and Jamia over, along with each of their respective families. I was excited to have them over, especially since it always just me and my mother. I sit and look out the window, feeling a bit like a lost puppy. My phone begins to ring and I pick it up, looking at the screen and finding that Jamia is calling. 

"Hi", she says sounding sort of fuzzy over the phone. "Hey",I say back. "I'm not coming tonight", she says quickly. "Why", I ask, sort of happy, but angry at the same time. I genuinely wanted her here. "Lindsey invited me over", she says excitedly, "she said she has something really important to tell me". I smile fondly, forgetting my disappointment and realizing I know exactly what Lindsey is going to tell her. "I'm sorry", she says from the other line, sounding genuinely sorry. "It's okay Jam, just do me a favor, go get some pussy". I say, and hang up before she can say anything else. Just then there's a knock at the door, and I throw myself off the couch to answer. When I open it, it's Gerard, his mom, and little brother. I smile politely and invite them all in. Gerard's mom, Donna, smiles along and nudges Gerard gently. I smile as all of them come in. His little brother nods towards me and continues on into the house. Gerard is the last one in, and he hugs me tightly, I hug him back. Now I know what you're all thinking. Did we miss something, are they together? I'm here to burst you bubble and tell you, no. We've been dancing around the minefield of telling each other our feelings, but I'm almost certain he likes me. I say almost because I see he's very affectionate with some of his friends, and hugs and leaning on shoulders are very common among them. I lead him into the kitchen were his mom and my mom are already talking up a storm. His little brother sits, listening in on the conversation. I take his hand and lead him up the stairs to my room. We sit on the bed and fall into easy conversation, as always. We talked about movies, music, and comic books. The perfect relationship. I mean, it wasn't a relationship, but you know what I mean. I put on How the Grinch Stole Christmas. We watch the movie, laughing and making fun of everything they say. I shift around uncomfortably, wanting to ask a question, but not wanting to offend him,,it's 2017 and you can't say anything around 

"What's your sexuality", I ask out of nowhere. He looks at me surprised before blushing and saying, "I thought you could tell, I'm gay". My heart soars. I mean, I knew it, but at the same time what if I told him I like him and he was like 'sorry man I'm straight'. I nod and we continue watching the movie. After several moments of tense silence he asks, "How about you". I stay silent and contemplate whether I should tell him or not. "I was asexual", I start and turn over onto my stomach. "But then I met you", I add, feeling courageous. "What", he squeaks, his hazel eyes widening and his cheeks turning pink. I sit up and smirk, despite the impending mental breakdown happening in my head. "I like you", I answer. A smile finds it way onto his face and he looks down bashfully. "I like you too", he says, scooting closer to me. I sit up completely, our faces so close together I can feel his breath. I scan his eyes for any sign of reluctance, but pull away. I want this to be special. 

"Grab your coat and follow me", I quip, and he follows me down the stairs. We pull on our coats and neither of our mothers question us slipping out the door, into the snow. It's not snowing, as heavily as it was earlier and I grab his hand. I pull him with me into the snow, and begin to run. 

"Were are we going", he yells, but I don't answer and continue to run. When I see the park coming up I go into a full on sprint, dragging Gerard along behind me. When we arrive I, grab both his hands. "Remember in Central Park, when I put my hands in your pockets", I say. He nods, and I can't help but admire how he looks right now. His cheeks and nose are a bright pink from the cold, and his look is curious. Snowflakes are caught in his hair, contrasting starkly against the black. A couple of snowflakes land on his eyelashes, framing his hazel eyes. His pink lips look more tempting then ever as they stand out against his pale skin. "I really wanted to do this", I say and I push forward and finally kiss him. His lips are as soft as I expected, and the soft gasp he lets out makes my heart jump. I wrap my arms around his waist, and his arms wrap around my neck, resting loosely on my shoulders. His lips move against mine, tentative and careful. My heart is beating at 100 miles per minute. I run my tongue along his bottom lip and he shyly opens his mouth. Inside his mouth is warm and soft, and the vibrations of the wimpers he makes cause my knees to feel weak. They're nothing like his though, his are shaking, and I'm afraid if we don't stop he'll fall down any moment. When I pull away, I don't even have the chance to look at his face before he buries his face in my neck. He begins to giggle into my neck and I move my hand to rub circles into his hip as I giggle too. I grab the hair at the nape of his neck and gently pull his head back. His lips are a dark pink from the kissing, his cheeks are a bright pink, and he's smiling brightly. The Christmas lights from the houses around us cast reds and greens on his face. 

"How was it", I say, still slightly nervous that he didn't like it. The proof in front of me says otherwise, but I find that he makes me very nervous. "Amazing", he laughs. "But", he says, causing my heart to temporarily stop, "it's freezing, we should go back to your house". I nod and we turn to walk back, holding each others hands tightly. The walk is silent, and whenever I look over at Gerard he has a smile on his face. My stomach churns as I blurt out, "Do you want to stay the night?" He looks at me with a shocked expression and says, "D-do you mean like, s-sex?" I feel my cheeks heat up and I quickly respond, "Only if you want to, I mean you could just sleep over like we were two friends but with kissing and stuff". He nods, shortly and curtly before saying, "Yes". I smile and try not to jump for joy. Gerard was mine, I didn't need a label, he was mine and I was his. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

When we get back, we slip in and find my mom serving dinner. They greet us and we all sit down to eat and Gerard whispers something in his moms ear. "If his mother is fine with it, I am too", she whispers back. He turns to me and gives me two thumbs up, along with a toothy grin. I can't believe I get to have this wonderful, wonderful human being. I turn to my mom and whisper, "Can Gerard sleep over, Donna already said yes". She looks at me for a moment before smiling proudly and saying, "Why not?" Did I mention that my mom is the fucking greatest, because she is. I then turn to Gerard and nod. His lips curl into a smile and he grabs my hand. Donna catches this, as well as my eyes. She smiles knowingly and looks away. I then look to Gerard's little brother, who's smiling goofily at his phone. 

"Who ya texting, Mikey", I ask. He looks up, seemingly shocked that I was even talking to him. He smiles, which completes the whole 'nerdy freshman' look with his glasses at the very edge of his nose. "Um, I'm texting my friend Pete". "Friend", Gerard says, using his fingers as quotes, "We all know they've been dating for the past year". Mikey turns red and glares at him. "You act like we haven't heard you getting off to the thought of Frank for the past 3 months", he bites back, and Gerard turns at least four different colors. "Shut up", he says. Mikey turns to me and says, "I walked in on him with two fingers in his ass and a hand wrapped around his dick moaning your name over and over again". Gerard is about to get up and strangle Mikey to death, but Donna clutches his and Mikey's thighs and gives them both the death stare. Gerard sits back down with an expression of utter anger on his face, looking like he wants to rip Mikey's head off, but I rub my thumb over his thigh softly. He looks at me and he looks down, embarrassed. I smile and look at Mikey, who sits in the corner with the same expression. Something about them tells me that they're very close, and that this normally doesn't happen. Maybe it's the way they exploded so easily, maybe I'm completely wrong and they hate each other. We finish dinner, Gerard and Mikey mostly quiet, but Gerard recovers quicker and joins into the conversation once more. 

Once dinner is over, we walk Mikey and Donna out, saying goodbye to each of them. I walk back upstairs with Gerard following close behind. "I'll give you one of my shirts since you don't have pajamas here". I close my door behind me. He twiddles his thumbs for a moment before saying, "Promise you won't judge". I cock my head to the side, what does he mean? Suddenly he pulls his long sleeve shirt off in just one move. His stomach has a bit of pudge that hangs over his jeans, just a smidge (authors note:why the fuck am I writing Frank to sound like a Kindergarten teacher, I don't know). He blushes even more as he unzips his pants and pull them down. The first thing I notice is how amazing he looks. His pale skin shines with the small amount of moonlight that escapes into the room. His hips and thighs curve in a lovely way and his ass is fucking gorgeous. God fucking damn it Frank, you're the creepiest mother fucker to ever live. But then I take notice of the fucking frosting on top of the already delectable cake. Black. Cotton. Panties. These weren't full on, 'fuck me' panties. These were innocent, the kind that a girl wore casually. I stare at him and he covers his stomach, blushing. "I'm gonna need pants too", he says. I try to ignore my growing hard on and croak, "Yeah". I grab him a pair of pajama pants that are pretty big on me, so they should be fine on him. I then grab him one of my huge shirts and pass them to him. "I like your panties", I mumble softly. He blushes furiously and says, "Thanks". After he's dressed I pull of my shirt. He gawks at me, staring at them up and down. "You have tattoos", he asks. I nod, "I plan on getting more when we finish high school". He nods, dazedly staring at the tattoos. I then pull off my pants, revealing the semi-hard on forming a tent in my boxers. He bites his lip and looks away, cheeks turning more and more red. I dress myself quickly, eager to get downstairs, watch a movie with my mother, then get the hell back upstairs and have sex with Gerard. 

The movie is Polar Express. I sit there, and all I can think about is Gerard's panties. He's wearing panties. Somehow that makes everything hotter, and quite honestly I don't know the fuck why. The movie makes me want to shoot myself. Way to kill a boner mom. The movie drags on forever, and by the time it finishes my mother is already asleep. I leave a blanket on top of her, and turn all the lights off. 

As we get into my room I turn on the lamp next to my bed and nothing else. He sits down on top of my bed and I sit next to him. It's awkward, that's for damn sure, but something in me snaps and I begin to kiss him. This kiss is so much different than before. It's passionate and messy, teeth clashing and clumsy gestures. I pull away and begin to kiss down his neck. He lets out little whimpers as I begin to suck on a point right below his ear, and I find my boner making a comeback. I grab his shirt and pull it over his head, beginning to kiss him collarbones. I bite them gently, going with whatever feels right. Apparently I'm doing a good job because Gerard lets out a soft "Ah" and tugs my hair roughly. It hurts like hell, but sends a spiral of pleasure down my spine. I moan onto his collarbone and go back to sucking a hickey. I run my hands up and down his torso, taking in every curve. I move down the bed and kiss down his chest. His chest heaves heavily and his stomach is soft against my body. He's warm and comfortable, beautiful and gorgeous. Every single word you can think of that brings joy to your mind, that's what Gerard Way is. I move to suck on one of his nipples and he cries out softly, tugging my hair again. I moan around his nipple causing him to throw his head back. He starts to rub against my stomach, begging for friction. I kiss down his body and onto his happy trail. I softly bite the skin there and roll it between my teeth. He groans and arches his back. I pull off his pants and spread his legs, wedging my shoulders in between his thighs. His hard on strains against the soft cotton fabric of the panty and leaves a small stain. He looks down at me, dazed, hair messy and lips swollen and spit covered. I cup him and roll my wrist in small increments. He bites his lip and lets out a moan. He tosses his head back onto the pillow and bucks his hips up. I pull off the panties teasingly, and blow hot air over the head of his dick. He moans and gasps when I take him into my mouth. I lick around the head, sinking down and trying to take as much as I can in. It's uncomfortable, but I manage, especially with the sounds Gerard is making. He's letting out small "ah"s and "Frankie"s left and right. I grip his thighs and look him right in the eyes as I pull off and lick a stripe to his hole. I suckle on it softly and he writhes above me, mewling and whimpering. He grips the sheets tightly, knuckles white. I move my hands to grip his ass, finding it soft and pleasant to grab. I shove my tongue inside his hole and he throws his head back, pulling my hair fucking hard, and almost completely arching off the bed. I feel around inside, stroking the velvety warmth with my tongue. He clenches around my tongue and mewls. "Frankie" he whimpers. I thrust my tongue in and out of him, doing whatever feels natural. He continues to whimper and writhe, and my dick continues to harden. Spit is starting to dibble down my chin, and my jaw hurts, but his noises are too good to stop. God damn it. I wiggle it around, trying to find his prostrate and when I do he says, "Frankie, I'm going to come". 

I pull out my tongue and grab the lube from my nightstand, ignoring the groans of protest from Gerard. What can I say, I didn't say that I NEVER jerked off. Especially in these past few months that I've known Gerard. I replace my tongue with a lube slicked finger. He presses down onto the finger, clenching and moaning. "More", he begs. I add another finger and he presses down even harder, essentially fucking himself on my fingers. His eyes are closed and his eye brows are furrowed. He bites his lip. I lift up a thigh and kiss it, to add effect. I come face to face with stretch marks, but I smile, and kiss them. The indents run all along the soft skin. I suckle on his thigh, earning little sighs from him. Everything about him is loved, even the things that he hates. They make him, him. I finally add a third finger and he begins to beg. "Please Frank, please", he says. I rub my fingers against his prostrate, earning high-pitched moans from him. I then pull my fingers out, earning a whine of protest, and fumble for the lube, having lost it in the heat of things. I line myself up, taking a moment to bask in the friction being created by my hand and groan. I put some on my thumb and rub it on his entrance, smiling fondly when he presses down on it, whispering, "Frank". I kiss were a hickey is blooming on his neck and push into him about halfway before he stops me. He breathes heavily, face in an expression of pain. I feel bad, so I lean forward and kiss him gently. Kisses are placed all over his chest, and I run my hands up and down his stomach. "Don't touch there", he mumbles. I smile at him and whisper, "Why, shouldn't I be able to when you're so pretty and mine?" He blushes and I laugh into his ear, "I just had my tongue up your ass and youre telling me not to touch your adorable pudgy stomach". He giggles and kisses me. "You can push the rest for he way in",he says, eyes half lidded and skin glistening. I go in the rest of the way, Gerard squeezimg my hand tightly. He's warm, and tight and my boner appreciates the friction. It's soft and velvety, and I begin to thrust. This feels really good. Like 'I never thought I'd be doing this, but here I am' good. Gerard wraps his legs around my waist and his arms around my shoulders. I take one of his hands off my back and hold it tightly next to his head. I begin to thrust harder and harder, Gerard's thighs tensing around me and his painted black nails digging into my back. He moves up and begins to place kitty licks on my scorpion tattoo. His lips move against the sweaty skin softly, and I find myself enveloped on the feeling. I groan and grip his thighs harder, probably leaving bruises. 

I change my angle and suddenly he lets out a wanton moan. His half closed eyelids flutter as his mouth hangs open, cheeks red. "There Frankie", he whimpers, and I thrust in that angle. The wanton moans are becoming more constant, and I feel my orgasm fast approaching. I move my hand up and down his thigh, running my fingers over the soft white stretch marks. "God, you're so perfect", I moan, leaning forward and kissing him. The hot, wet drag is driving me crazy. His skin is soft under me, and the slight pain that comes from his nails digging into my back is making me groan. I lean my forehead against his listen to the noises he makes. I groan deep in my throat whenever he clenches, which is quite often due to me pounding into his prostate. Suddenly he arches clear off the bed, pink lips wide open, eyelids fluttering, and moans, "Frankie", in the sweetest most beautiful possible way. He comes all over both of our chests, collapsing, and whimpering a bit at the over sensitivity. I continue to thrust, his clenching not helping me delay my orgasm. I bury my face in the junction between his shoulder and neck and breathe in. He smells amazing, and his thighs, and the noises all send me over the edge. I come in him and collapse onto his chest. I pull the sheets over us, and we both relax into the warmth even though we're both sweaty. We lie there for a moment, Gerard's legs wrapped around me, and my face buried in his chest before he says, "Merry Christmas, Frank". I kiss him softly and say, "Merry Christmas, Gerard". I bury my face in his chest, kissing it softly as I drift to sleep in the arms of the greatest human being in the world. As long as Gerard is mine, I can conquer the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, wooooooooo! Sorry I didn't post on Tuesday *nervous laughter* life is fucking hard


	6. IM SO SORRY THIS ISNT A CHAPTER BUT I HAD TO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU!!!! 

Hello, this isn't really a chapter but I had to talk to you all. Thank you to every single person who's read this, even if you didn't leave kudos. I love writing and I didn't even think this story would get nearly this much love. It's great having an outlet that after a hard day of being social you can have people appreciate the thing you love the most. I love you all, and I just wanted to thank you! ❤️


	7. Chapter 6

The next morning I wake up enveloped in warmth and softness. I look up at Gerard who is breathing heavily, mouth slightly ajar and face relaxed. My heart swells with joy as I brush some of his dark hair from his face. He lets out a happy noise and leans into the touch unconsciously. My chest hurts due to the incessant happiness. God he's beautiful. I hold him closer, feeling his skin against mine. His stomach is soft against my chest and his thighs are warm around me, holding me close. I move down as quietly as possible, careful not to wake him and begin to softly kiss his belly. I place kisses all over it, causing him to shift and make little noises until his eyes flutter open. He looks down at me, eyes hazy with sleep, but full of emotion. 

"Morning", he says, voice breathy. "Mornin' ", I reply, rubbing his bare hips. I pull myself back up and kiss him chastely. He presses up against my body and hums softly. When I pull away I bury my face in his neck and kiss the junction between his shoulder and his neck softly. The skin on skin contact leaves me struggling to keep my eyes open and my mind fuzzy. I'm vaguely aware that we're both naked, but now it's not as sexual as it is trust. Now we sit in our most vulnerable states and pray the other accepts us as we are. I softly kiss the hickeys I gave him last night, and Gerard grasps my hips. I move up and lick the skin under his ear, imitating what he did yesterday to my scorpion tattoo. He lets out little whimpers, gripping my hips tighter and writhing. "Frank", he groans, "I'm gonna get hard again and I want to go downstairs and eat". I can't help but laugh at his honesty and roll off of him. 

Gerard gets up first, pulling his panties back on. He trails them over his hips, his back to me. I move my arms behind my head and watch appreciatively. I miss the warmth of his stomach, but decide that looking staring at it is just as good. It hangs over his panties in a way that makes me kind of horny. Do I have a chubby kink? Either way, Gerard looks gorgeous, even without the particularly skinny or masculine body that most guys strive for. I find the chub much more attractive and useful than muscle could ever be. I watch the muscles under his back relax and tense. Now in the light I fully take in the expanse of stretchmarks that adorn the back of his upper thighs and even some on his arms. He has little purple bruises along his hips, and his thighs have little red hickies all along the inside and underside of them. He's definitely mine now, and the thought causes a mix of apprehension and joy. I wolf whistle and he looks over his shoulder and blushes when he sees I'm staring. I wiggle my eyebrows and he giggles, picking up my underwear and throwing it at me. 

Once we're both dressed, him in my shirt and his pants and me in my underwear (what'd you expect, it's my house), we walk downstairs were my mom is drinking coffee and watching the Disney channel stars preform in Disney World. Gerard's eyes light up when he sees the made coffee and rushes over to the pot to pour himself a cup. I plop down next to my mom and give her a kiss on the cheek. We watch the performances mindlessly, listening to the music and basking in the air of happiness that rests in the room. Gerard cuddles up next to me, handing me a cup of coffee and watching the show as well. My mom looks over at the two of us and smiles proudly, as if she was the one who got us together. 

After a while of watching my mom claps her hand and says, "Who's ready for presents?" Gerard and I both nod and she brings over three boxes for me. I had seen two of them under the tree the whole month, but the third leaves me stumped. 

"Where'd-", I start but Gerard says, "I got it for you". I smile and announce, "I bought you something too". I run upstairs, bare feet brushing against the cool floor. I grab the package wrapped in blue and tinsel. I rush downstairs and give him the package excitedly. He opens it slowly and smiles widely. 

"You got me a Bowie record", he exclaims excitedly. I nod and he hugs me tightly, pecking me on the lips. "I saw your record player when I went to your house", I say, " and I know that's your favorite Bowie album so". He kisses me again and says, "Open mine", as if it's a challenge. When I tear open the green wrapping paper a small bag of guitar picks lay in there, as well as a pair of back gloves with white bones painted all along them. "These are so great, thank you so much". He smiles widely and says, "I got the guitar picks so you can finish the song you've been writing and the gloves since that day in Central Park you forgot to wear some". I look over at him. What did I do to deserve this beautiful human being in front of me? He flashes a corny smile, with his black hair forming a messed up halo around his head. I swear, if my mother was not in this room I'd jump him right here, right now. 

 

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About an hour later I whisper, "I want to take you somewhere", in Gerard's ear. He rolls his eyes and says, "Are you going to spontaneously kiss me again?" His tone is teasing and full of mirth. I look over and his eyes are scrunched up and he's grinning, eyes focusing on the TV. "It turned out great last time didn't it", I ask. He nods, "Fine, but if it involves physical exertion I'm not doing it". I scoff and pull him off the couch. 

Both of us get dressed and I grab a bag that- little does he know- has two pairs of ice skates in them. Okay, so I may or may not have planned a lot of this ahead of time with high hopes that he'd like me back. I swear I didn't ask Jamia his shoe size so I could take him ice skating. Okay, okay, maybe I did. I just wanted him to take him to have fun on Christmas. It definitely wasn't because I wanted to watch him to fall on his ass so both of us could laugh and he could get playfully irritated with me. And I definitely didn't know that he sucked at ice skating because Lindsey and I had talked in exchange for the information that Jamia was interested. Okay, fuck it. I'm a hopeless romantic who has been waiting for Lindsey to make a move for three years and as soon as she asked the question I answered it. Then she felt bad because I didn't want anything in return and so I asked her for something fun and Christmas-y to do with Gerard. Then afterwords I told her that we should go together with our new found boyfriend/girlfriend. She agreed and I schemed it all without even knowing what Gerard or Jamia would respond. Sue me. 

The walk to the park was short, and I found myself growing more and more fond of crummy town parks. It was like they were Gerard and I's thing now. There was snow up to our ankles, but not a single flurry dropped from the sky. I wore my new skeleton gloves, along with a cheesy hat my grandmother knitted for me. Gerard wore the same thing he did yesterday, but was rather cuddling into one of my scarves rather than his signature pink and black faded one which was currently residing on my hook in my room. We talked on and on about college, which Gerard was apparently very excited to attend. 

"I want to go to SVA. That school is my dream school", he said, spinning around in the snow like a total dork. "I want to go to NYU on a music scholarship, maybe minor in literature", I respond nonchalantly. He looks shocked. "Don't you want anything to do with football after high school, you're pretty amazing at it", he inquires. The question leaves me slightly irritated. So I told him about my discomfort with being myself, but I hadn't completely told him that I wanted football to burn in hell. "Well football isn't really something I'd like to continue with", I explain slowly, choosing each word cautiously. "There's things I'd much rather do and spend my life doing". He suddenly grins slyly and comes in close. "Like me", he asks, eyes half lidded and licking his lips, making me gulp a bit. This bitch was a virgin until last night, how the hell does he make innuendos like that? Was it some kind of coming of age thing once you get laid? Is it like all bottoms get snarkier and hornier? Why has no one made me aware of this? I cough trying to clear my throat and he bursts out into hysterical laughter. "I should've expected this from my cute, tiny Frankie", he says gleefully. He did NOT just call me tiny. I grab him by the hips and press my lips to his, successfully shutting him up. I suck on his bottom lip, causing a moan to leave his lips. Tiny? I mean it's three inches. He can't say shit. I move my tongue into his mouth, showing no mercy towards him. He continues to shake and moan, and basically jumps out of his skin when I grope his ass. He leans into me, and I allow him to, if not he'd probably fall on his knees and then I'd have to be sent to prison for public indecency. He takes a bold move and begins to suck on my tongue, saliva exchanging between our mouths. The sensation is dizzying and warm, and I've already expressed my contentment with grabbing Gerard's ass. Part of me is kind of worried about doing this but the other part says why the fuck not. I smack his ass lightly and he bites my lip to keep from moaning. We're interrupted by a sharp 'woop' cutting through the air. 

"It worked", Jamia yells gleefully, Lindsey trailing behind with her lips curled in a smile of absolute adoration. I wonder if I look that goofy when I stare at Gerard. Probably. "You got together", she says bouncing over, dark hair bouncing with every move. I nod, moving away from Gerard who is shifting his pants in a vain attempt to conceal his erection. He smiles, his face red and I smirk. Lindsey walks over and kisses Gerard's cheek, smiling and saying, "I told you he liked you back". We begin to walk, each of us hand in hand, looking like some kind of movie about friendship and shit. When we reach the lake Gerard whispers a simple, "Fuck", eliciting laughs from all of us. "You said no physical exertion", Gerard whines as I pass him the skates I rented for him. He ties them up, sitting on the ground as Lindsey and I get on the ice. She and I stay completely upright as we get on. I skate around in circles, getting used to the probably completely unsafe ice. Jamia gets on soon afterwards, her hands out and squatting, drifting slowly across the ice. Lindsey and I laugh, and we help Jamia up. Lindsey continues to guide her around, them kissing occasionally. I look over at Gerard who's sitting in the snow, smiling, but refusing to skate. God he can be stubborn. I skate over to the edge of the lake, squatting and taking his hands. 

"C'mon, I brought you here to have fun, skate with me", I whisper in his ear. "But I'm gonna fall on my ass", he mumbles, "I'm too fat to skate, and I can barely walk without falling, what makes you think I can balance on skates?". "Just try", I say, pulling him up. He gets on the ice cautiously, me holding which are resting on his forearms. His legs are shaking, and he looks mildly terrified of falling. "You're fine", I say gently, reassuring him. He nods as we move further towards the middle where Jamia and Lindsey are currently skating around. He slips and grips onto my shoulders with a vice-like grip, pulling himself up and close to me. I wrap my arms around his waist to support him and he hangs on, cheeks growing adorably red and his eyebrows furrow in concentration. I throw my head back and laugh, but stop when I see him looking down, looking ashamed. I smile and kiss him, "I'm just laughing because of your adorable red cheeks, nothing else". He nods and I kiss his neck earning a, "Get a room". Gerard dares to lift his hand of my shoulder and flip the bird at Lindsey, earning laughs from her and Jamia. I find myself beginning to gently sing "Baby it's cold outside" into Gerard's ear. As I finish the 'baby it's cold outside' part he suddenly yells, "And there's police!" I laugh, burying my face in his neck, which I find becoming my makeshift safe haven. Something in my mind wonders how I managed to meet such a beautiful human being, and at the same time manage to have them like me. So we spend Christmas on a crappy frozen lake in the middle of New Jersey, fucking freezing, but happy as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for not updating, I will only be able to update in weekends now due to my busy schedule. I love you all. I'm also working on a one-shot that some of you may like so I'll be sure to post that soon.


	8. Chapter 8

The next three months were great. Gerard and I were going strong, we got together almost every day, and if not every day then on the weekend. We became a fundamental part of each other's lives. We helped each other with homework, problems, and talked like crazy. Gerard was a deep thinker, causing me to rethink my life on several different occasions. And I'm more than glad to say that there was sex. Lots of it. I may sound like a pig, but Gerard does that to me. He makes me excited in more ways then one. It was all pretty vanilla though. But sex is sex, and I'm not complaining whatsoever.

 

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It was late at night when I got to Gerard's house. I wanted to surprise him, randomly, just to make things a little fun. I climbed onto his roof, making a bit too much noise. I grab a branch and lightly scratch on Gerard's window. He gives no response and I sigh. I scratch it harder this time, and the window flies open. Gerard's head pops out looking from side to side, confused. I laugh and he looks up. A panicked look spreads across his face. 

"Frank", he whispers, "its 11:13 on a school night, what are you doing!" 

I laugh at him. "Come up here", I chuckle. 

"No, get down from there", he whisper yells. 

"C'mon, I wanted to do something nice and you're ruining it", I complain.

"Get down".

"Never".

"I'm going to call the cops". 

"I'll fight them!"

"I have cookies". 

I climb through his window, finding chocolate chip cookies on his nightstand. Donna really is the greatest. 

"Totally could've fought them", I say, throwing myself down on the Star Wars bed sheets.

"I know you could", he says, laying down next to me. He cuddles up next to me and I wrap my arm around him. I reach over to grab another cookies, and eventually we finish the whole plate full as we watch some random crap show on cable. 

"Can I stay over", I ask, turning over and nuzzling him. He exposes his neck, allowing me to make myself comfortable. 

"Do you even have to ask", Gerard states. We pull the sheets over each other and turn off the TV. I pull him close to me and he squeals, but relaxes into me quickly. 

"Can you pass me NyQuil from my nightstand, can't sleep without it", Gerard asks me. I wordlessly turn over to his nightstand and throw open one of the drawers. I fish around and feel my eyes fly open when my fingers brush something that is sure as hell not NyQuil. I pull out a baby blue plug with a black tail attached. 

"What's taking so long", Gerard asks. 

"Uh", I croak out. He turns over and turns on the lights, and when he sees the plug he turns bright red. 

"O-oh, t-t-that was f-for Friday, I was g-going to invite you over to-", he begins, but trails off, looking up at me. "Sorry", he says. 

"N-no not at all", I say into his neck. "W-why don't we try it out now", I ask, rubbing his hips. 

"Frank", he scolds, "my family is asleep". 

"Exactly", I answer, "Now go get pretty for me, kitten". He rolls his eyes but grabs the plug and a little bag from his closet. He disappears into his bathroom. I basically rip of all my clothes, excluding my underwear. I listen and I hear the pop of the lube cap, and Gerard making little whimpers. He's probably prepping himself. I palm myself through my boxers, listening to the little sounds Gerard makes. Soft little 'ah's escape the room, and I find myself growing harder and harder. The bathroom door opens and I'm surprised I don't cum right there. Gerard has the plug up his ass, along with white, lacy panties. He also has little cat ears clipped on. His face was bright red and he made little noises whenever he moved. His hard on strains against the lacy panties, staining it with precome. I continue to palm myself, groaning at the sight of him. He was so gorgeous. 

"Come here", I whisper. He walks over, pleasured mewls escaping his lips. I sit on the edge of the bed and kiss his hips. "Turn around, kitten", I say. He complies easily and I pull his cheeks apart. I can see him stretched around the plug, which is definitely thicker than I am. He looks over his shoulder at me, looking shy. 

"So pretty, sweetheart", I say, punctuating it with a squeeze of Gerard's ass. He pushes back with a high-pitched whine. 

"F-Frankie, can I ask you something", he moans quietly as I continue groping him. 

"Of course kitty", I say, pressing closed mouthed kisses to his ass cheeks. 

Gerard blushes furiously. "C-can I call you D-daddy", he stutters out. I moan at that. Holy shit, I never even considered the thought of me being into this. I bite his ass cheek. 

"That'd be fucking great", I say, sucking a soft hickey onto Gerard's ass. It blossoms beautifully, spreading purple over his ass. I pull him onto the bed, pulling him onto my lap, his erection brushing against mine. I bite his neck. 

"D-daddy", he moans quietly, seizing my shoulders in his hands. I run my hands along his torso, taking in the soft expanse of milky skin. He grinds his hips down on mine slowly, the friction glorious. I groan and go back to marking his neck, making purple and red marks appear all over his neck, shoulders, and collarbones. I spread him out on the bed, hungrily taking in the flushed body beneath me. He's beautiful. I kiss him, running my fingers over he wet spot of the panty, causing Gerard to keen. 

"Daddy, p-please touch me", Gerard whines, looking up at me with hungry and innocent eyes. 

"Of course my filthy kitten", I say. He sits up a bit in order to help me pull off his panties. "Such a shame that these have to go, isn't it", I say, holding the white panties on the edge of my finger. He nods, and I chuckle a bit. I bite his ear and run my hand teasingly along his length. 

"Daddy", he whines, grinding hips onto mine. I smile into his neck and tighten my grip around his dick. I move teasingly, my dick growing interested in the sounds Gerard is making. He looks at me and moves his hand between us. I watch his hand slide down and take a hold of my length. I jerk into his touch, groaning a bit. 

"Can I suck you", Gerard asks bashfully. I nod frantically and he slides off of my lap. He kneels in between my legs with an innocent look on his pretty face. He runs his hands up and down my thighs and I moan, embarrassingly high-pitched. In all the times we've had sex, Gerard never sucked me off. It had just never happened. I mean a lot of other stuff happened, riding, up against a wall at some point, and Gerard even topped once or twice (it felt great, but both of us were more comfortable with me topping). 

Its sounds like something out a cheesy porn movie, but Gerard looks great on his knees. He was kneeling with his legs far apart, his ass sticking out, and hickies decorating his pale skin. I tangle my hands in his hair and coax him down roughly. He moans and paws at my length, delicately taking it into his hands and stroking it. He presses gentle kisses to the tip and I pull his hair. He looks up at me with an innocent face, kitty licking my cock, adding to the whole 'kitten kink/play'. 

"Gee, stop teasing me", I moan, and he giggles, taking me into his mouth. He runs his warm tongue all over the tip, pulling back and leaving a string of saliva and precome attached to his swollen lips. He sinks down again, further this time, scraping his teeth gently along the vein. I pull his hair and moan, tossing my head back. He suckles softly, fingers lightly grazing my balls, and if I didn't know any better I'd say he has done this before. He sinks down until his hand reflex stops him, and jerks off what he can't fit in his mouth. He wiggles his tongue and pulls off, my dick still on his tongue, and he sinks back down. I moan, and pull his hair, causing him to moan around me. The vibrations cause me to buck into his mouth, and he gags, but keeps going. He looks at me, eye lashes stuck together by the tears that were evoked when I bucked into his mouth. I groan at the sight of him, my stomach tightening in a familiar way. 

"I'm gonna come, Gee", I whimper. He bats himself eyelashes and pulls off, never faltering in jacking me off. 

"Can you come on my face, Daddy", he says breathily. I moan and come, all over his face as he asked. I lay back on the bed, basking in the afterglow of my orgasm. He climbs back on the bed and looks at me, lips and eyelashes covered daintily in white. I save that image for later, because holy shit is it hot. He darts his pink tongue out to lick my cum off of his lips, and whoop, there goes my boner. I run my thumb along his eyelashes, wiping off any excess. As my finger nears his mouth, he turns his face and sucks on it, wiping his tongue over the pad of my thumb. I kiss him, grabbing his hips roughly, surely bruising them. He moans into my mouth, and tugs at my shirt. 

"Off", he says, and I move my back from the headboard so he can rip my shirt off, leaving us both in the nude. He moves in and begins to suck on my neck, teeth scraping lightly against my pulse. He sucks on my neck, leaving hickies up and down and I trail my hands down to the tail. I notice a little red ribbon and get an idea that I probably shouldn't do, but the other part of me says 'why not?' I quietly untie the ribbon, sliding it off the tail with the least amount of motion possible. I place it under my thigh and grab the tail, wrapping it around my fingers. Gerard moans, pulling away from my neck with wide eyes and a heaving chest. I smile at him and begin to move it in and out slightly, causing Gerard to rut against me. I kiss him, watching him writhe and whimper. 

"Daddy, please fuck me", he moans sweetly. I snicker and nod. 

"Lay on your back for a second sweetheart", I say, taking the ribbon in my hand. He complies quickly, laying back and spreading his legs. Lean forward and kiss his abdomen warmly, gazing up at him. He gives me a confused look when I bring out the ribbon. 

"What are you doing", he asks. I shush him and tie the ribbon around his length, and then he seems to get the picture. He whimpers and I lean up to kiss him. He suckles on my tongue softly. The kiss is hungry, like both of us want more. He bites my bottom lip and begins to suckle softly. 

"Can you fuck me like this Daddy", he says. He grips the headboard and pushes his ass towards me, looking over his shoulder and wiggling his bottom a bit. I grab his ass, rubbing my thumb over his hole teasingly. He presses backwards and keeps eye contact with me as he moans. 

"Gladly", I say, and grab the lube from the bag and slick myself up. He moans at the sight and I smirk. "You like that kitten", I ask and he nods frantically. I grab Gerard's hips and push all the way in, casing Gerard to moan loudly. I smile and kiss his back as I thrust in and out. This is the first time we've gone without a condom and its glorious. The feeling is so much better, and he's so much softer this way. I bite my lip and lean forward, sucking another hickey onto the back of his neck. He arches and rolls his hips back into me. 

"O-oh please daddy, right t-there", he says when I hit his prostate. I try and keep that angle, thrusting harder and relishing in the wanton moan that Gerard lets out. 

"Ah, f-fuck, oh my G-God (authors note: when you're writing hot bum sex, but don't know whether or not to capitalize the G in God because you don't want to be disrespectful). I moan and grab his hair yanking his head back, and that just makes him heat up even more. 

"Oh, Daddy, pl-please let me, c-cum", he begs. I watch the way his ass giggles every time I thrust in, and grab the skin roughly. 

"No", I whisper in his ear, relishing in the power I have over him. I pull his cheeks apart and watch as I sink in and out of him. I feel my second orgasm coursing through my veins and I thrust harder. Gerard nearly screams at this and drops to his forearms, burying his face in the pillow to muffle his screams (as to not wake up his family). I bite his shoulder as I come in him, and he pushes back against me, rocking his hips desperately looking for release. I reach forward and untie the ribbon, jerking him off quickly. He throws his head back to moan, but I kiss him. He moans into my mouth as he comes all over my hand. I collapse on top of him, and we maneuver until we're spooning. I hold his hand, and his other arm is draped delicately across my body. 

After a while Gerard moves, finally getting the NyQuil and turning over. I feel the bed shift. 

"Wow", Gerard whispers breathily. I turn towards him, feeling groggy. Shadows are casted all along his face, and he stares at me in awe. 

"What is it", I croak. He looks down, blushing a bit. 

"Um, it's the way the moon casts shadows on your frame. You're on the smaller side so you just look so delicate, and it's such a contrast to how you normally look", he says. 

"Is that a good thing", I ask, turning back around, his arms wrapping around me, burying his face in my neck. 

"Yeah, I like it a lot", he mumbles, kissing the back of my neck. I press my feet against his shins, and cuddle into his kisses. Maybe being small isn't so bad. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

The next morning I wake up, smiling at Gerard's sleeping figure and walking over to take a shower. I grab my clothes off the floor and take a pair of clean boxers from his drawer. I throw the clothes to the side, and turn on the shower. As I wait for it to warm up I look myself in the mirror. My hair is completely messy, sticking up in every possibly direction, and there are hickies that are way too high up to be able to cover them with my shirt. I just shrug. They'll think I got it on with Jamia last night or something. 

I step into the shower and begin to lather my hair. I close my eyes and hear footsteps. 

"Gerard", I call out. I'm answered by a soft 'hm', and hands replacing my own in my hair. I sit down on the little bench-thing they have and he washes my hair. I lean back on him, smiling at the feeling. His hands work softly through my hair, rinsing, washing, and repeating. Once he finishes he washes his own hair. I watch him, feeling kind of stalker-like, but he looks hella attractive. When his eyes open I smirk at him and he looks down, blushing. 

"You're driving, right",he asks as he dries off and I shave off my stubble. I nod, passing the shaver to him. He takes it and shaves off the retarded stubble that grows on his chin. It grows in all patchy, but if he leaves it for a day or two he actually looks really good. I grab his hand and we walk downstairs to get breakfast. Donna looks up at the both of us and smiles. 

"I didn't know you were here Frank", she says sweetly, filling a batman thermos with coffee. 

"I came in last night, Gerard needed help with his Algebra homework", I lie smoothly. Gerard nods, going along with the lie. 

"Well, Gerard will share his waffles with you, but I can't promise you anything with his coffee", she smiles. I look up at Gerard and he says, "Don't even think about it". Donna and I both laugh loudly. Gerard and I share the waffles, him taking methodical sips of the coffee. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

When we begin nearing school I part ways with Gerard purposely, as to not attract attention. It sounds completely terrible, but I just don't want people to know. I'm fully aware that I should date him fearlessly, not caring about others' opinions, but it's not as great as it sounds. It early morning, so football practice takes place in my first period. I walk through the halls, Jamia joining me briefly. 

"What are you gonna say about those hickies", she whispers, leaning into me. 

"Say that I got them from you", I answer. She raises her eyebrows at me, but nods briefly. Everyone stares at us as we walk down the hallway, and I guess we do look very couple like. I notice Gerard talking to Ryan by his locker. He grins at me, waving his hand a bit. I wave back as discretely as possible and continue towards my class. 

"I've got physics for the next hour, so wish me luck", she says, giving me a kiss on the cheek. Kisses on the cheek were things that were normal to us, even out of school. I wave goodbye to her and make my way inside the locker room. 

"Hey, man", Gabe says. I nod towards him and take off my shirt, changing into my sports clothes. 

"Woah man", Brian remarks, "those hickies are gnarly, you get some last night?" I nod, laughing at the irony of the situation. 

I pull on all my stuff, walking out into the cool morning air. Half the team is on the field already, I line up with the rest of them and we start workouts. I by the end of it I feel blood in my mouth, and it fucking sucks. My entire body aches, and sweat is running down my spine when we're halfway through. The last day of the season is soon, so he's training us raw. Km more than grateful when the period ends. 

The entire team trudges into the locker room, some of the sweatiest not even bothering to take a shower. I, however, am not a complete slob so I strip down and jump in the shower. I'm used to being naked in front of my teammates, so it doesn't really matter. I get into the shower, feeling grateful for cool water rinsing off the grime and sweat. I wash my hair, imagining its Gerard and not me. I smile at the thought. I rinse off my body and hair. 

"Hurry the fuck up, Frank. This isn't a Pantene commercial", Brian says. I laugh and grab my towel to dry off. I shake my head, dotting some of my clothes with water. I grab my underwear and out it on, wiggling on my jeans soon afterward. I begin tot pull my stuff together when I hear the door to the locker room open and close. I don't think anything of it because people are constantly coming and going. 

"Hey Way", I hear someone sneer. My neck snaps up and I see Gerard standing there. 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, sorry for not updating last week. To make up for it I added some smut. Also, what do you think Frank is gonna do? Is he gonna fess up to him and Gerard? Or play dumb?


	9. Chapter 9

I stare Gerard in the face, trying to assess the situation, but he doesn't look towards me. He doesn't know that I'm still in here. As Gabe spits insults at him I turn around, grabbing my stuff as quietly as possible. I pull my backpack on, the guys beginning to gang up on Gerard. My heart pounds in my ears and I swallow thickly. I then run into Brian, who's on his way to make fun of Gerard. He shrugs it off, knowing I don't like conflict, and continues towards Gerard. Suddenly, I make eye contact with Gerard through the sea of my teammates. His eyes are brimming with tears, his hands clutched tightly to his chest. My heart aches, but I continue forward. My head is swimming with thoughts. Should I turn around and save him? Should I run and face the consequences? Will he still want me if I show him how much I really care what they think? Will he want to forget me? I don't want him to forget me. I want him to stay by my side. A loud whimper cuts through the air. 

"What the hell do you keep looking at", Gabe yells viciously in Gerard's face. He looks back and sees me standing there. My heart stops in my chest. I feel my throat constricting and I clench my hands into fists in my hoodies' pockets. I feel my legs begin to tremble, and it takes all my strength not to fall onto my knees. 

"Hey Iero, get over here, I think this fag has something to say to you", Gabe yells. I walk forward, praying that my legs aren't shaking as much as I feel they are. The sea of assholes parts to let me through and Gerard looks at me. He's pinned against one of the lockers. He looks at me hope in his eyes, and Gabe looks at me with a vicious hunger. 

"What don't you tell Gerard what you have to say to him", Gabe spits. 

I dart my eyes between Gerard and Gabe, my heart pounding in my ears. 

"I have nothing to say", I respond. Gerard seems to crumple under my words. 

"B-but F-Frank, wha-", Gerard begins to stutter, seeming to grow smaller as the conversation progresses. 

"I've never talked to him a day in my life", I say. My heart burns at each word. I can't handle this. He begins to cry harder, his body shaking.

"Why would I", I continue, "no one cares about him anyway". I regret each word as it forms on my tongue. I can feel my stomach in my throat. Gabe turns back to Gerard and snarls at him. 

"See", he says with an ugly smile, "no one can save you". Gerard's eyes are red, and his face is heartbreaking. He sinks to the ground as the guys continue to pelt him with insults. I scramble out the door and onto the field. I sit under the bleachers and cry. Why did I do that? I didn't mean a word I said! Why am I so scared of the opinions of 15 other people? The tears are hot as they stream down my face. The face he made, I caused it. I made him hurt. I messed up. I knew I was going to mess up and yet I never got in the way of it. I care about him. I care so much. I want him to smile at me. To talk about life with me. To rant. Not to cry. Not to hate himself. The bell rings but I stay curled up under the bleachers. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

Hours pass and no one comes looking for me. Jamia probably knows by now. She'll probably yell at me. Lindsey probably knows by now. She'll hate my guts. I hug my knees to my chest and lay my forehead down. 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

There's a class out now, they're all having fun. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

It's almost the end of the day. No one has looked for me. My phone has vibrated more times than I can count, but I don't once look at it. I hear footsteps but I don't even look up. I hear uneven breaths. It's probably Jamia here to scold me or maybe even Lindsey to pummel me. I look up and find Gerard standing there. His breaths are raggedy. His eyes are red. He sits down in front of me. We stare at each other. 

"Why", he whispers. His eyes bore into me, sadness emanating from them. I look up at him before bursting into sobs. 

"I'm so sorry, Gerard", I sob. My voice is scratchy, and I sound pretty pathetic. "I-I'm not gonna make an exc-cuse because n-nothing can compensate for what I did". 

He looks at me. Tears are streaming down his face. 

"I'm giving you a chance, maybe all your excuses will suck, but give me a reason", he says. His voice is calm. It's as if he's thought this all over. 

"I'm stupid. I c-care what they think and I got scared. I want to make an excuse, but I don't have one", I say. He looks at me. Something like sympathy, but more bitter resonates within his eyes. 

“Frank”, he says. “did you mean anything you said?” I shake my head furiously. 

“No”, I say, “I-I love you”. He looks at me. His whole demeanor softens. I’ve never said that to him. Not to anyone. He suddenly tenses up again.

“How do I know you mean that”, he says. I look at him desperately. He has to believe me. He has to. Part of me chides that if this situation was the other way around I wouldn’t trust him either, but I’m selfish like that.

“Gee, please, I mean it with all my heart”, I whimper. He looks at me, stone cold. I’ve never seen him like this before and I wish I still never saw it.

“Don’t you dare ‘Gee’ me, Frank”, he says. His demeanor falters once again. “I gave you everything, Frank”, he says, voice breaking, “I gave you everything and this is how it ended”.

Ended. Ended? Ended! 

“N-no, Gee- I mean, Gerard we haven’t ended, right?” he looks away from me and my heart drops. 

“We need a break”, he says cooly. His face doesn’t match his tone. He’s crying, and his eyelashes are decorated in tears. I sob at these words. I crawl towards him, trying to take his hand and he pulls away.

"Please", I plead. His eyes well up. He's broken completely now, he's not hiding anything. His tears spill over and he begins to sob. 

"Why", he sobs, "why did you do this?" His body shakes and he wipes his eyes. I grab him and embrace him. He doesn't pull away, but he doesn't lean into the hug either. He stays there, his tears wetting my shirt. I cry, wanting to go back to this morning and change this. 

"I'm sorry", I whisper for what feels like the thousandth time. He pulls away, and says, "I forgive you, but we still need a break". 

My heart aches, but I nod. I can't. I have no right to tell him I want him. I want him. I want him so badly. I want him to stay with me. I want him to kiss me and smile. I want to wake up next to him and for him to smile lazily and blush. I want every part of him. 

"C-can I kiss you", I ask. He gives me a sad look. "One last time", I plead. He looks to the ground and nods. I lean forward and capture his lips. His lips are slightly salty, probably because of tears. He kisses back softly, scared and tense. I move my hands to his waist and he pulls away. 

"No", he says. "You're not going to just kiss me and everything will be okay, that's not how this works. Just leave me alone, Frank". My heart throbs in the most painful way. I nod and grab my stuff. I trudge off the field, my hands shoved in my pockets. I walk around he school, class already letting out. I duck my head down, trying not to be noticed. 

"Frank", a voice yells. I don't look up and continue walking. They call my name again and when I look back, Jamia stands there. I turn and walk faster, practically running at this point. She grabs my shoulder and turns me around. 

"What the hell happened", she yells. I look up at her and she gasps. "You look terrible", she says. She asks again, "What happened?" I begin to cry pathetically, collapsing into her arms. We're practically on the corner of my house so she walks me, shushing me softly and grabbing her spare key to my house. She lets herself in, sitting me on the couch and grabbing tissues. 

"I ruined it", I cry. I wipe my face, and she gives me a concerned look. 

"Tell me the full story", she says sympathetically. I explain everything that happened, everything I felt and by the end she's in tears too. 

"Oh Frank", she whispers, "why". Why, why , why. That's all people seem to be asking me today. 

"Do you think I know why", I scream. Jamia jumps and I stand up. "Do you think I know why I said all those things, and I made him hate me. Do you think I know why I made the person I love more than anything in the world hate me!" I stay there and Jamia looks terrified, she's shaking like a leaf. I fall back onto the couch and cry into my hands. 

"I'm sorry", I cry. Her arms wrap around me. 

"He loves you Frank, we'll figure this out", she says. She stays with me until my mother comes home. I tell her everything that happened, and how hurt I am. She holds me as I cry, and for the first time today I feel comforted. She walks me upstairs and tucks me into my bed. She leaves and I notice Gerard's scarf from so many months ago. I grab it and hold it close to my face. Whenever I inhale it smells like him. It's comforting and saddening at the same time. I'll get him back, I just need to wait. I need to show him how much I love him, even if it ruins me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things get Better.


	10. Chapter 10

The next few weeks are miserable. Each day Gerard and I start conversation, but it ends awkwardly. I find myself wanting more and more of what we used to have, even if just the friendship portion. We talk just fine for a little while, talking and laughing like we used to, but then one of us brings up our relationship and we trail off.

I watch him from afar, and I can feel him watching me. It's a timid stare though. He's scared of what I may say or do and that makes me hurt. It's like we're strangers again. 

*************************************************************************************************************

I wake up weeks later on Wednesday, back aching from hours of practice. I turn onto my back. There's a pep rally tomorrow and of course it's mandatory for the entire school. The date of the football game was moved to this Friday due to the excessive hail. Even now we're going to have to play with thermals under our jerseys, and I think that fucking sucks. I get out of my bed, grabbing my uniform as well as my Iron Maiden hoodie. I happen to have an idea on how I'm going to get Gerard back. It'll sacrifice my pride, my status, and everything I've struggled to build in this school, and it'll be hard but completely worth it. I'll also have to get more favors than I ever have in my entire school career. This was nothing like asking your Algebra teacher (who happens to double as your coach) to bump up your grade so you could look better on your NYU application form. I have to ask for favors from basically everyone. I have to ask the audio visual team to help hook up microphones and a monitor in the gym so everyone can see that it's me. I need to beg my teacher to let me out early. Most of all, I need to beg Lindsey and Ryan to make Gerard go. Ryan's a hopeless romantic, so he's more likely to say yes, but Lindsey is more likely to punch my face in. I plop down next to my mother with my guitar and music book. She looks at the two items curiously. I understand why, I haven't brought these things out of me or Jamia's house in forever. Today and tomorrow I was going to ruin myself completely. I lean into her, grabbing the bowl of cereal from her hand and eating some. 

On the way to school, Bowie comes on and I increase the volume. I need all the encouragement I can to do this. Tomorrow morning we're going to have a huge pep rally, and I'm going to publicly embarrass myself. It'll be even worse if Gerard rejects me. Part of me knows he won't, but Im still nervous. I don't want to be made fun of, but by doing this I'm inviting them to bully the shit out of me. I run into the school, guitar case in my hand. I rush through the hallways to the gym. The audio visual team is there to set up since today. I open the door and they're all kneeling over a box, pointing out what they think is wrong. Patrick kneels in the middle, trying to figure out what to do with several people yelling at him. 

"Hey", I say, just loud enough to cut through the sound of arguing. Patrick looks at me, looking a bit annoyed. He must think I'm here to tease him. It kind of wakes me up to how I appear to certain people. 

"What do you need, Frank", he says exasperatedly, letting Joe take over the box and everyone yelling at him instead. He walks up to me with his huge glasses and sweater that goes over his hands. I look at my feet, awkwardly twisting my torso. 

"Can you", I start, cringing at what may be the answer, "help me do something for the pep rally". He gives me a suspicious look, before asking. 

"If you want anything you're going to have to elaborate", he says. I sigh.  
"I want to play a song in order to apologize to someone", I say. He sighs. 

"You're going to attempt to make it up to Gerard", he says. I nod, deciding not to question how he knows. He does sit with Gerard during lunch, and they talk a bit so I guess they're friends. 

"Frank, what you did really hurt him. I'm telling you since now that even if you get him back, his trust isn't going to be anywhere near what it was before", he says, "this better be amazing if you want to get him to get back in the water". 

"Im going to come out and tell everyone what happened, and I'm going to sing for him, in front of everyone", I say. He thinks. 

"Let me read the song", he says. I fumble for it in my back pack and pass him the small binder, the page bookmarked. I thrust it toward him desperately and he takes the notebook. He read over the words, eyes scanning quickly. He smiles at some of the words and I watch him anxiously. 

"Okay, maybe he'll come around, but be patient", he says handing it back to me. "You can count on me to help you, I'll set up the monitors and everything, but I hope you realize what you're getting yourself into". I look at him and he's shaking his head. "Things will get a lot tougher, things won't be as easy", he says. 

"But I'll have Gerard", I retort. He looks me up and down. 

"You care that much", he asks. I nod.

"I care more than anything, I love him", I say. He snorts and smiles, "Well that's obvious, I know you wouldn't do this unless you did". With that he walks away, and I run out the door. I run to my Algebra classroom, Coach Hemming sitting at his desk. He looks up at me, smiling when he registers that it's one of his prized football players. 

"Hey, Iero, what are you doing here, you don't have me today" he asks. 

"I need a favor", I ask, "can I skip first period tomorrow, I need to do something special". 

He nods and I know that even when he finds out I'm asking Gerard to be mine again he won't be upset. Believe it or not, he's not homophobic. All he wants his for his team to listen to him and win. Since I do both of those things it won't really matter to him. I thank him and quickly rush out to ask another favor. I run around like a chicken without a head until I find Ryan and Lindsey both in PE. How wonderfully convenient. I walk out of the school onto the field and signal Ryan and Lindsey over. I whistle and they look towards me, Ryan shocked and Lindsey looking disappointed. They walk over, Ryan holding a copy of Eleanor and Park in his hand and Lindsey a songbook similar to mine. 

"What are you doing here", Ryan asks curiously, cocking his head. 

"I need to ask a favor", I say, "it has to do with Gerard". Lindsey looks at me suspiciously, but it's much more intense than when Patrick stared me down. 

"What are you planning on", she questions. 

"I want to make it up to him, the guys on the team may reject me, but these past few weeks have been the worst. I want to sing this to get him back", I say, passing her my own songbook. She opens it and scans through and remains unimpressed. Eventually she gets to a select part and she softens. 

"Fine, we'll make sure he doesn't try to stay home, but I'm not going to put you in good", Lindsey says. Ryan nods in agreement.

"Thank you", I say. So now all I need to do is get Gerard back, avoid my team even though I have to play a game with them on Friday, and be bullied for the rest of the year. Piece of cake. 

The guys give me weird looks when they see my guitar case, and even voice some snarky comments, but overall don't really make fun of that. It's a miracle really. I keep my songbook hidden. I may as well take advantage of my last day of peace. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

When I get to school I feel my stomach churning. Everything is set up, I spent time with Patrick practicing yesterday, everything's as it should be. I walk down the hallways, understanding that after today I won't be able to walk down these hallways without a rude comment. I chew the inside of my cheek, walking towards the gym. Everyone looks at me, curiosity spread across their face. Frank Iero was never a musician, no, that's boy's a motherfuckin athlete. I push into the gym, my breakfast threatening to come up. Everything is already set up for me, and will be put away for the cheerleaders. Patrick greets me warmly and shows me the microphone and we go over sound check. 

The bell rings, and I know everyone is rushing towards the gym, including Gerard. The thought simultaneously scares me and makes me excited. The doors open and people begins to file in. I watch out for Gerard and sure enough he walks in with Ryan and Lindsey at his side. He looks at me and I flash a smile. He grins, but looks away quickly. The doors close and the lights go out. I breath in and out deeply and turn on the microphone. Patrick nods at me and I begin the beginning cords. The students are silent, completely in the dark (quite literally). The spotlight and monitors turn on and I close my eyes. For Gerard I tell myself, do it for Gerard. 

"I got my bags all packed and I'm ready to go", I begin. Gerard is watching me intently. My stomach flutters and I keep going. 

"I'm standing outside of your figurative door  
I'm ready for the flight or to fall off a cliff  
But if it's alright with you I'd rather not miss out on us

Cause your face is all I need to stay sane  
I've spent my life getting in my own way  
So I could use something good,  
I really need this to work out  
Of course the way things have gone it might be smarter to just cash out", I continue. Gerard's eyes are hopeful now. They're filled with emotion, and he seems on the verge of tears. 

"But you're on my mind  
And the things that you say hurt me most of the time  
But I'm sinking fast so it's alright

I've tied my stomach in knots and I'm ready to know  
I'll put it on the line if you'd just give it a go  
Cause I want to be the only one to hold you so close and so tight  
And if it's cool with you I'd really love to spend the night", I sing. Tears are steaming down his cheeks, but he smiles at me with love. I notice the guys on the team making weird looks at me. They have no idea what I'm singing about. They had no idea I even sung in the first place. 

"You say you never wanna be saved  
Well that's okay cause I wouldn't know how  
Just know that the best that I'll ever be  
Is whatever you make me and wherever you are

You're on my mind  
And the things that you say hurt me most of the time  
But I'm on your side,  
Cause I know I'm not easy to deal with sometimes  
But I'm sinking fast so it's alright

All we wanted was what we were  
And what we were was young and naïve  
I found my place in this world  
It's in your wake, in your wake, in your wake

You're on my mind  
And the things that you say hurt me most of the time  
But I'm on your side  
Cause I know I'm not easy to deal with sometimes  
But once in a while I wish you would tell me if you even care  
Cause I'm sinking fast, I'm sinking fast  
I need you  
I need you  
I need you  
I need you  
I need you  
I need you to know that I'm alright", I finish. People clap politely but Jamia, Gerard, Ryan, Lindsey, and all the people in that group clap loudly. Gerard is crying with the biggest smile on his face. I grab the microphone. 

"About three weeks ago I was the biggest idiot", I say. The whole crowd seems to lean forward. What can I say, the student body likes gossip. "I came back from football practice and the most beautiful being in the entire universe was standing there. He and I have been dating since December. My teammates began to harass him and I did nothing. I ran like a coward, but they called me over. Terrified, I went over and said so many terrible things. I then ran out and cried like a baby. This person then came to me and expressed that they wanted to break up. It felt like my whole world was shattered, but I understood that I had been horrible so I accepted it. Now I'm here, in front of him, and begging him to take me back". 

The guys all have shocked faces, realizing who I was talking about. The rest of the students look around and Gerard runs down the stairs from the bleachers. He almost trips but keeps going and throws his arms around me. His tears wet my shirt. 

"Am I forgiven", I whisper. 

"Far from it, but I'm willing to try", he responds. My heart flutters. He's mine. This time I'm not going to mess it up. I kiss his neck and he flinches but leans into it. The same small group from before whoops, my coach claps, and the audio visual team claps, but everyone else stay silent. The guys begin to boo, but I ignore them. Gerard's body is warm, and his arms are wrapped tightly around me. 

"Um the cheerleaders are preforming, so we need to move", I whisper. He detaches himself from me and holds my hand as we get off the stage. Coach smiles at me and the guys look disgusted. 

"You a fag, Iero", Gabe asks loudly. I look back at him and smile. 

"Yep", I say, and continue forward. We sit down next to Jamia and Lindsey. Everyone stares at me and it's very different than before. Before it was with envy and respect, now its with pity. 

I sit at Gerard's table during lunch. The guys throw stuff at me and I stiffen. Gerard pokes me and I look over. I soften my glare at the table when I look at him. 

"Are you fine", he asks. I fake a smile and nod. 

"Just need to get used to it, that's all", I say. He nods and takes my hand. He hasn't gotten very close to me, and he seems cautious, but he'll still touch me. It's a step forward, and I thank God it worked. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

The next day I sit in the locker room getting ready for the game. The guys have ignored me, and refuse to touch me. Coach yelled at them for a lengthy period for refusing to pass the ball to me, but nothing has changed. I sit alone, pulling on my shoes. I can hear the cheers from outside, the biggest game of the year. Everyone I love is sitting out there waiting to support me. I grab my helmet when the guys all begin to gang up on me. 

"How long have you been dating that freak", Brian asks. I roll my eyes. 

"Four months, I thought that was clear", I say.  
"That's disgusting", Gabe spits, "You're disgusting". 

"We've been over this", I say, "Can I go now". 

They collectively shake their heads. 

"You're going to get the beating of your life for keeping this from us", Brian says. I find myself pinned against the locker as a fist cuts across my jaw. Pain shoots up and down my spine. Another punch is landed on my nose. I cup my nose, blood beginning to pour. Several more punches are landed on my body and by the end I'm panting. I slide to the ground and the guys trade insulting opinions of me as they walk away. I look at my face in the mirror. My lip is split, and my cheek is starting to swell and turn purple. My nose is leaking blood like a faucet so I wash my face, water stinging the little cuts. I pull on my helmet, thankful that no one will see my face as I run into the field to play. Gerard yells for me. Him, Jamia, and my mom made poster for me. His hair is in an adorable pony tail. He actually dyed his roots teal. It's a cute look on him. I wave at them, feeling slightly consoled. 

The game goes well, and the entire school cheers. We won. For the first time in years our school won the championship. Gerard runs up to me afterward. He smiles at me. 

"Take the helmet off, I wanna kiss you", he says. My heart pounds as I lead him away. I pull off my helmet and he gasps. 

"Who did this", he whispers. 

"Take a guess", I laugh weakly. He kisses me softly. 

"You have to say that they did this", he says. 

I shake my head. "There's only four months left of school, I can handle it if you're next to me". He smiles and kisses me again, and I wrap my arms around his waist. Yeah, I'll be fine. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

Brand new year. College. Stress. Apartments in New York with your adorable boyfriend. These are the things my summer offered me and I took them all. Gerard got into SVA and I got into NYU, so we both saved up and bought ourselves a place. I've never been happier. Weekends are spent with family and weekdays are spent together, wading through the swap of work college has presented us. I wake up next to him everyday and it feels like a dream come true. Every morning he makes us coffee and I iron our clothes. Like an old fashioned couple. Trust was regained, kinks were exploited and life was perfect. What Gerard said proved to be true, being yourself does suck, but the people that really matter accept you with all your flaws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, this is the end guys. I'm so glad you stuck around. I love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I'd love if you could leave constructive criticism. This is my first fanfic and I'm always looking for ways to improve.


End file.
